"Nikado, could I speak to you for a moment?"
The historian made an absent gesture for Domani to take a seat, pushing aside the draft he had returned to. "What's on your mind? Did you deal with Chiron?"
"Yes, she's been punished," Domani replied distractedly. "Actually, I wanted to talk about Jun." The other man raised an eyebrow, letting the Italian fill in the rest of the question. "Nikado, I think he's been recovering some memories of Chiron and Janus."
"I had a feeling that was the case," the older man noted with a nod. "I tried to discourage it, but he seems pretty determined to remember. What about it?"
Domani sighed tiredly, rubbing at his neck. "I think his memories need to be resealed."
Nikado slowly lowered the cup he had been about to drink from, regarding the younger man with a long stare. "What are you saying? You can't be serious."
The other god looked puzzled for a moment. "Of course I'm serious. I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't. It isn't exactly something you can turn on and off." He sighed. "It's for his own good."
Nikado continued to watch him with an unreadable gaze. "How could you even think of doing such a thing to him? He's trying very hard to remember you."
"The last two times he remembered, he died," Domani countered seriously. "How can you think of subjecting him to those memories?"
Nikado didn't answer the question, instead taking a sip of his coffee. "Have you asked Jun what he wants?"
"I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to die again."
"I'm sorry, Domani," Nikado replied, eyes closed, "but I can't allow something like that. It would be forcing him to live a lie, and that is a cruelty not even a god can inflict on another."
"Then I'm sorry to have bothered you with this," Domani replied, tone emotionless as he stood. "Have a good day, Sol."
Nikado sighed, sitting back in his chair as he mulled over things. Glancing back at the draft on his desk, he finally picked up the phone and punched the button for the main desk. "Ame-chan?"
"Yes, Thomas-san?" an unamused female voice answered.
Nikado grimaced. Ever since the secretary had learned his preference for being addressed, she had endeavored to do the opposite. "Yamada-san already came in this morning, right?"
"That's correct."
"Let him know I'm coming over to discuss his draft, but clear my schedule out after that. I need the day available."
"Understood, sir. Are you skipping work again, sir?" she asked in a cool, flat tone.
He winced. "No, no, nothing like that. I should be in my office all day, but I might have to dash out for a bit. That's all there is to it." Letting her hang up, he picked up the draft and fumbled for his office keys. May as well get one thing done before the feces were dropped into the ventilation system.
"Take it off," the voice instructed, and he found himself complying, the robe slipping from his form. A hand tilted his head up, lips pressing firmly against his own, and with it was a subtle yet alluring scent, earthy yet exotic, like dust and spices mixed. Rough hands ran down his sides, leaving a tingling feeling, and he let out a soft gasp as soon as the other lips moved from his.
Something scraped against his skin, and he hissed, fumbling to pull it away. He then realized the other man was naked, and looked away shyly, remembering his own state of dress. "It's all right," the other voice assured him softly, pushing him back among the thick, cushy blankets, the other man leaning over him. He looked up, but somehow he couldn't make out the other man's face.
It wasn't a nightmare, but Jun nonetheless woke sweating and breathless.
The model sat up slowly, running his hands down his torso to make sure his clothing was still on. The fact that he knew these dreams had happened only made him blush further, not quite willing to push the images out of his mind.
"Janus...." No, that hadn't been the name he had spoken when that dream had happened, the name that he wanted to find. He sighed in disappointment, tossing the covers aside and standing up. Somehow, he felt like he'd just barely fallen short of remembering that elusive name and face. Well, first things first. He wanted some answers, and he knew someone that knew them.
"Good morning, Jun," Mariko greeted cheerfully, looking up from feeding the baby. "You look well today!"
"I feel well," he answered honestly, rummaging in the cupboards for something quick to snack on. "Are you going into work today?"
"Only for a half a day. They haven't been wanting to put me back on a full schedule yet."
He nodded distractedly, then paused as he realized someone was missing from the room. "Is Father still asleep?"
"He was up all night taking care of the baby," Mariko laughed. "He said you were sleeping well, though." Jun smiled at that. "You're going in to work, right?"
"I have an errand to run beforehand, so I might be a little late," Jun told her. "Could you let Mihail know for me?"
"Of course, dear."
As usual, when he went out he spotted his stalker a few times, but this time he firmly ignored her. He had too much on his mind, and besides, if she was going to hurt him, she'd have done it by now. Taking a bus, he made it to the Tokyo Historical Research Centre in no time, greeting the secretary as he entered. "Good morning. Is Professor Nikado in?"
"He should be in his office, yes. He's canceled his appointments for the day, but I haven't seen him running out yet." Jun blinked, but her expression indicated this wasn't terribly unusual. Thanking her, he made his way toward the office.
Nikado wasn't in the office, but a foreign-looking younger man with a streak of bleached hair was, dialing some number from a scrap of paper. When Jun entered, he glared back at the model challengingly. "What."
"Er...Is Professor Nikado not here?" Jun asked slowly.
He pointed to the left, paying more attention to the phone than the model. "Next door over."
Jun frowned, wondering if Nikado had abruptly switched offices, but took a look. The door, it turned out, lead into a bathroom, and the historian was seated by a toilet, throwing up into the basin.
"Nikado!" Jun exclaimed in surprise. "Er...are you all right?"
"Been better," the dark-haired man gasped, putting down the lid and leaning his cheek against the cool surface. "Morning, Jun. What brings you here?"
Jun hesitated, then took a breath. "I'd like you tell me what you know about Janus and Chiron, please."
Nikado regarded him for a moment, then quickly flung the lid back open and threw up again. Jun winced. "Shit, that was dumb of me," the historian got out, giving the toilet a flush before turning a pitiful look on Jun. "Could you maybe bring me a cup of water, please?"
"...Sure." Jun ventured back into Nikado's office, looking for a cup. The foreign intern had disappeared, but there was a mug filled with a little coffee on the desk. Taking it back to the bathroom, he rinsed it out before filling it and handing it to the historian.
Nikado pulled himself onto the toilet, accepting the cup gratefully as Jun leaned against the wall. "Go ahead and lock the door, if you really want to hear anything."
Jun did so. "Are you really all right?"
"It's a curse of mine, I suppose you could say," Nikado commented around the mug.
"What is?"
"Lying."
Jun watched him for a moment longer. "I don't understand."
"I can't lie," Nikado explained slowly, drinking from the cup again. "I'm physically unable to. I even think about it, and well, you see what happens."
"You were trying to lie to someone earlier?"
"Got in an argument with one of my subordinates. I keep forgetting that historical records often differ from what actually happens, and couldn't backtrack fast enough. It happens every few months or so," he replied with a wave of his hand.
Jun nodded slowly, watching the older man for a long moment. "Nikado...who are you, really?"
He thought about how best to answer for a long moment. "Someone like Janus and Chiron," he answered at last. "At least, in bloodline. Our abilities are similar, but I have chosen to live on Earth as a human. Most of my kind don't seem to really agree with my views," he admitted.
Although he had wanted to know about Janus and Chiron, he couldn't help but feel a little curious. "Why do you choose to live as a human?"
Nikado fell silent again for a while. "Because humans need my help, and accept it," he said at last. "You'd think that gods could take care of themselves, but really, humans and gods aren't that different."
Jun nodded. "I know your book is true," he began slowly.
"Completely. My little curse extends to the written words as well."
"Then why did you publish it as fiction?"
"Because it doesn't meet the requirement of proof for non-fiction. That's all." Nikado downed the rest of the cup, standing and setting it on the sink. "It's the best I can do. Tell a true story, tell honestly about how I came upon it, and tell the reader to decide whether I am being truthful or not."
"I remember other things," Jun continued. "Things that aren't in the book."
Nikado shrugged. "It's not a comprehensive volume. Just what I was told."
"You knew," the model stated in a hushed tone. "You knew I was involved in that story. You knew I wasn't crazy or making stuff up. Why did you brush me off?"
"It's not like that," Nikado began, then sighed. "Jun, do you remember what I told you outside that nightclub? Have you thought about it?"
"Why I forgot? I still don't know," he confessed.
"Jun, you should have realized that those memories are not pleasant by now," Nikado warned him solemnly. "I am certain you have not yet remembered the worst of it."
Jun scowled, then gave his sleeve a yank upwards, baring his arm and holding it out to Nikado. "This is from my birth mother," he stated flatly, gesturing to the scar. "She drugged myself and my older sister, put us in the bathtub, cut our wrists, and left us to die. My sister didn't survive. I'd be lying if I said my dreams didn't terrify me sometimes, but I can't just close my eyes and pretend this didn't happen any more than I can pretend I don't have this scar. I lost something, Nikado, something important. I have to get it back. I can't just turn my back on it because it scares me."
Nikado's expression softened, and he pulled Jun into a gentle, protective hug, stroking his hair. "Oh, Jun. It's okay now. I'm going to help you. You'll be okay."
He swallowed, then pressed forward. "I was in love with Janus, wasn't I?"
"That I can't answer for sure," the god told him softly. "I don't know what is in the hearts of other people. Jun...." Nikado seemed to be considering. "If you've the time, could you perhaps come with me and see something?"
He nodded, and Nikado released him, opening the bathroom door. "All right, let me just grab my keys." After locking the office, he led Jun outside, giving a wave to the secretary who completely ignored him.
"You have a motorcycle," Jun stated as Nikado handed him a helmet.
"It's my chariot," he laughed, and Jun couldn't help but smile as well. Nikado seemed to know exactly where they were going, taking a few shortcuts here and there that had Jun fully lost by the time they arrived at their destination: a small shrine snuggled inbetween towering office buildings.
"What is this place?" Jun asked as he hopped off the bike.
"The Fire Maiden shrine," Nikado told him, patting the old wooden sign as he walked through the gate. "This place is my favorite. Come on in, don't be shy."
"Oh, Nikado-sensei," a female voice greeted from the grounds. "Why, I haven't seen you in quite a while. Oh, who's your friend?"
"Yo, Rei-chan," he greeted with a wave. "This is Jun, he's a friend of mine." The model suddenly felt a little self-conscious, realizing he had no way of hiding his distinctive hair.
She noticed. "Oh...you're Jun! THE Jun! Oh my gosh, I can't believe you'd come to our humble little shrine!" She looked around for a long moment before holding out the sleeve of her shrine maiden's uniform to him. "Please give me your autograph!"
Jun smiled, fumbling in his pockets for a pen. "Rei-chan, mind if I borrow one of your pits for a little while?" Nikado called to her, already venturing forward.
"Go right ahead, sensei. I'm very honored you've come to see our shrine," she gushed to Jun. "If you don't mind my asking, how is it you know Nikado-sensei?"
"He wrote a book I liked. Does he come here to use your pits often?"
Rei thought about it for a moment. "No, the last time was a few years ago. Usually he just comes by to make offerings. He fancies himself a scryer from time to time with our mystic fires," she explained with a smile. "You have an interest in history, Watanabe-san? Nikado-sensei always has the most unique subjects."
"A bit, here and there."
"Okay, come on over here, Jun," Nikado called from inside one of the small buildings.
Jun finished the autograph and bowed to the shrine maiden. "It was nice meeting you, Rei-san. I hope we can talk again sometime." As she fluttered away happily, Jun walked over to where Nikado was standing, taking off his shoes before entering the building. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know the whole story myself," Nikado explained as he knelt by the fire. "I can't tell you everything you've forgotten. But I know a few little tricks that might help you remember."
Jun eyed the fire skeptically. "You're going to use the fire to scry?"
"No, scrying is for seeing the present," Nikado answered matter-of-factly. Seeing Jun's expression, he grinned. "Want me to show you how it works?"
"Sure, I guess. What are you going to do?"
Nikado felt around in his pockets for his notepad, flipping to a blank page. Jun thought he caught the kanji for 'Kamakura' before he tossed it into the fire, sitting down cross-legged. "Go ahead and sit down." Jun did so. "Now just watch the fire. Don't stare, just relax and wait."
Jun did so, forcing himself not to stare and instead watching the shapes of the fire flicker and change idly. He felt relaxed, unusually so, almost sleepy, and he hadn't even realized he'd dozed off until he started awake again. He turned to apologize to Nikado, and then realized he was no longer in the shrine.
Wind whipped across the field he was standing in, and he could feel the heat of other people behind him stirring. Overhead, the cloudy sky rumbled, but the air was thick with more than just the weather. On the other side of the large piece of land, he could see a group gathered, holding some flag he didn't recognize.
He himself was in an old-fashioned samurai's uniform, swords hanging heavily at his side. Jun turned to the person beside him, a taller man gazing ahead at someone else: a young woman who seemed to be of noble birth, standing beside a man on a horse who was wearing armor that marked him as the leader. The man beside Jun had differently colored hair, more of a dusty brown-gray, and the eyes were unusual as well, a light brown, almost golden, but the resemblance was undeniable.
As if sensing his gaze, the man turned to look at him, giving him a reassuring smile. "Is this your first battle?"
"Yes, sir," Jun found himself answering.
The taller samurai gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry, kid. I'll watch out for you, okay?"
Jun gave him a smile, although inwardly he felt confused. Was that Nikado? Where was this place--or more importantly, when? Before he could ask anything, a shout rang across the field, and the opposing army charged. The group surged forward, the tall samurai dashing forward, hand on his sword. Jun's body moved without his bidding, following along behind the other man, own hand finding his sword, and then the other side met them. For a few moments, everything was chaos to Jun as his body attacked and slashed, trying to dodge an impossible number of swords. Between the writhing mass of screaming men, he could see the tall samurai ahead of him, trying to fend off three opponents at once.
Then the sword slipped, and the opponents surged for him. Jun thought he screamed, but wasn't sure. The man took a step back in terror as the swords drove toward him, holding his arms in front of him, and a sudden burst of flame responded, springing up between him and his opponents. The white-hot tongues spread swiftly and uncontrollably, cutting through friend and foe alike as they moved eagerly across the field. People were screaming and crying, and Jun thought he was shouting something as well, something that sounded like 'akuma'. As the flames jumped for Jun, the tall samurai leapt for him, pushing him down with his superior body weight and trying to protect him from the flames.
It was hot, unbearably so, but Jun couldn't even scream again. The tall samurai's expression up close was terrified and confused all at once as he sobbed for breath. He was shouting something Jun couldn't hear over the roaring in his ears, but his lips moved to form the shape of 'naze, naze'.
So hot. Jun's vision blurred. The samurai shook him by the shoulders, shouting something else, but he couldn't focus on his lips to make it out. So hot....
"Jun."
He blinked, and realized he was staring at the buttons on Nikado's button-down shirt. The historian was watching him with a concerned expression. "I'm sorry. I should have warned you that it might be a little strong."
Jun shook his head, trying to clear the last of the sound and smell of the fire out of his senses. "What was that?"
"Battle of the North Tojo Plain," Nikado explained factually. "A little spat between two regional warlords during the Kamakura shogunate. It's not really well-documented because it didn't really make much of a difference, but most sources that mention it credit the victory to a divine storm. Does that answer your question?"
"Yes and no. That was you, wasn't it?"
Nikado sighed, taking a seat. "I put myself in a life or death situation before I knew what I was capable of. Not one of my better moments," he admitted with a grimace. "Sometimes I feel like I spent several lifetimes making up for that mistake. A god's abilities don't belong on a human battlefield."
"Who was the woman?" he asked curiously.
The god laughed, holding up a pinky finger as explanation. "We sort of a have an on-again, off-again relationship. Some lifetimes we find each other, some we don't."
Jun couldn't help but smile at the romantic thought of Nikado chasing a girlfriend through all those reincarnations. "So that's how you know about all those different periods of history. You were there. How long have you lived as a human, anyway? Why do you do it?"
"A very long time," Nikado said with a shrug. "I do it because this is the way I choose to live. Do you want to give the fire a try?"
Jun took a breath. "It'll be like I'm there, won't it? Like it's happening again."
Nikado nodded. "You don't have to do it."
"No, I want to do it," the model replied. "I'm...I'm just not sure I'm strong enough to...."
Nikado put his hands on Jun's shoulders. "It's okay. I'm here. I'll stop it if I think it's gotten bad, okay?"
He closed his eyes and took another deep breath. "Okay, what do I need to do?"
Nikado handed him the pen and notepad. "Write down what it is you want to see. Then just relax as before. I'll do the rest."
Jun nodded, accepting the pen and pad. Thinking for a moment, he wrote down 'The important thing I lost' and handed it to Nikado, who tossed it in the fire without looking at it. Then he looked to the fire, Nikado's hands coming to rest on his shoulders from behind.
"Domani." He could hear the name clearly now, spoken from his lips, see the other man's face, but the taller man wouldn't meet his own eyes.
"You should do whatever will make you happy," the other man said at last, and Jun could feel his heart drop. "If this is what you want, then you should do it."
It hadn't been what he had wanted to hear, and even if the words were supposed to be reassuring, he couldn't take comfort. Domani spoke again, but all he could hear in the words that not being Chiron was okay, that not being drawn to Domani ever again was okay.
Wasn't it okay? He wasn't even a very good Chiron. The only use he could ever have for people was dying. Why not let Chiron go, become someone more useful. Someone more valuable to Domani, someone he would stop if it happened again. It was only because he was Chiron that Domani, no, Janus even cared, right?
That realization settled the jumbled thoughts in his mind. Domani did deserve better. And he loved Domani, so he wouldn't hold him back.
Unable to stop himself, he put his arms around the other man's neck, and Domani hugged him back. He took comfort in the gesture, and he wanted to cry, to speak, but it was too late to express anything. Domani had decided what was best by him, and now Jun had decided as well. "Everything will be all right," he whispered comfortingly, and then stepped back.
It was with a sort of numbed distance that Jun watched as his body took Flora's hand, letting his own power flood into her, use the power of his own destruction to fuel a miracle. His vision began to erode rapidly, but not before he saw her eyes open. What beautiful eyes she had, he thought to himself as he let himself drop into an endless black abyss.
"Jun!" Nikado's voice shot through him, and he blinked, realizing the fire had gone out. The god was watching him with a deeply worried expression. "You put out the fire," Jun said dazedly.
Nikado shook his head. "It put itself out. By the go...well, by me, you had me worried. Are you okay?"
Jun managed a short nod. Nikado kept a hand on his shoulder, not fully convinced. "Did you see what you were looking for?" he asked in a low tone.
He nodded again. "I...I died," he stated, trying for a cheery tone. "It wasn't really painful or anything like it was when Titania...." He let the thought slide. "I just thought it, and got tired and fell asleep. No big deal."
Nikado frowned, searching his face. "Really. It didn't hurt or anything. No big deal...." Without realizing it, he had begun to cry, tears rolling freely down his cheeks. "No...big deal...."
The older man gently pulled Jun into his lap and let him cry, wrapping his arms around the model tightly. "He didn't want me," he confessed in a small, childlike voice. "He wanted me to go away."
Nikado held the younger man gently, dabbing at his face with a handkerchief. "Who, Jun? Who doesn't want you?"
"Do...." The rest of the name came out in a sob. "He told me to go! He didn't want to be connected to me."
"Oh, Jun," Nikado murmured. "It's not like that at all. Domani cares very much for you, he just doesn't know how to express it properly."
Jun couldn't respond, except with more sobbing, and Nikado gave up on speaking, holding the younger man in his lap and stroking his hair soothingly, like a parent comforting a child. After some time, the sobs finally quieted down, Jun leaning his head tiredly on Nikado's shoulder. "I'm late for work," he said dully. "I should go."
"Maybe you should take the day off," Nikado suggested, rubbing the model's shoulder. "You need some time to think."
"I need to work," he stated, standing up. "It'll take my mind off things for a bit. Thank you, Nikado," his voice was soft. "Even...even if it is painful, I still would have wanted to know."
Nikado pulled out the pad again, writing something down. "My cell number. You can call me anytime."
Jun managed a smile, tucking it away. "By the way, how's Ryouji-san doing?
""Ryou-kun? Clean since the last time you saw him," Nikado stated with a nod and a smile. "Do you want a ride?"
"I...think perhaps I should," he admitted. "I'm not sure where this is."
Nikado smiled, waving a hand as Jun offered the handkerchief back. "Keep it. All right, let's get you to work on the double."
Jeanne was laying in the middle of the floor, scowling at the image in the plate of water she had spelled. Jun was no longer paying attention to the shadows she had sent to plague him, and that was irritating. Really, if one was going to spend so much time trying to slowly drive someone else insane, they could at least appreciate it.
"Found you~" declared a cheery voice as a foot kicked the plate across the floor, spilling its contents.
Jeanne jumped to her feet, only to take a smart tap to the forehead. "Stop that, you're being stupid," Nikado scolded her firmly.
She snarled, backing away from the offending hand. "How dare you touch me."
Nikado let out a sigh. "The kid's not even involved with Janus anymore, leave him be. You think being a sadist is going to win Janus over?"
Her eyes narrowed. "Who the hell are you?"
"Just your average benefactor and savior of mankind," he replied casually. "Look, I'm giving you fair warning. Knock it off, or I take this to Janus." Having spoken his short piece, Nikado left as swiftly as he had come.
The woman only snorted, picking up the plate. "Great, another one."
