Dear Editor:
Okay, so the author's had their ups and downs. The beginning was rough. The details were either excessive, lacking, or just plain wrong. The characterization was off to a shaky start. But this scene? Ghostly gigantic dinosaur-like creatures migrating around us at night among the mists?
That's pretty cool. I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we were all pretty much in awe for a bit there. It was sort of like we all remembered that we're in this magical, mystical setting, and even when reality's going to hell in a handbasket that there's still neat things all around us. If I was wearing a hat, I'd tip to the author right about now. Thanks.
--Pablo
Dear Editor:
Okay, so that was cool. Why did you have to spoil it with driving me out of character? I don't scream about spiders, of all things. I squish them.
Not as girly as the author thinks I am,
Eris
Dear Editor:
And then they squish back!
Love,
Nikado
Dear Editor:
...that's not funny.
Damn it, now I'm twitching.
Going to get Nikado for that,
Eris
Dear Editor:
Tell Eris that, no, I'm not going to look up spiders for her to prove that they can't squish her. It was a joke. I'm trying to see if I can find something on our reality-alterer.
....
There's a history about a reality-altering mage referred to as the spider. Ohhh, editor. That's pretty nice, but damn, that was a mean twist. Scuse me, I have to do some reading now.
Love, Nikado
Dear Editor:
Wait. This "Web" group are the ones waiting for the reapparance of this Spider mage? Wasn't the guy that turned me a member?
...
Oh, fuck. How come every time I'm useful to the plot, it's potentially traumatizing?
Okay, I'll stop complaining. Sorry. It's a good way to move the plot, so I'll go along with it. But... ugh, I wish the author hadn't done that, somehow. Argh, now there's two of us twitching. Ending this letter so I can try and get ahold of myself.
Sincerely,
Tobias
Dear Editor:
Thanks for cutting down some of the earlier scenes. I feel like we're finally moving at a decent pace and getting somewhere with this story. It sort of seems like the author just wasn't very motivated earlier to write all the inbetween scenes. It feels like the author was just trying to expand the plot with meaningless fluff (okay, so it wasn't completely meaningless, it does defy the 'adventurers always have money' cliche and did give us a little chance for character development) but now we're finally moving along again.
However, this next scene? It was almost as if the author just got tired of writing and decided 'to hell with it' and to end the story far too early. It couldn't have been any more contrived and disappointing if the author had tried. So we go in to town. Having a little downtime while we plan how to track down the Web. Just happen to run into the MASTER VILLAIN OF THE STORY in the tea shop. Yeah, that's not plot device. And the author was doing so well without them, as well. Even that situation could have been okay if it hadn't been for another of Eris's ill-timed deaths. This time by massive meteor wiping out the entire town.
That's really not funny. What is this, some kind of lame roleplaying joke? Rock falls, everyone dies? I'm not laughing. I don't think even Nikado finds this funny.
Signed,
Zayr Enesse A'osut
Dear Editor:
....
What the hell was that?
Love,
Nikado
Dear Editor:
Aw, come ON. I was finally starting to like this story, too.
Demanding a ret-con,
Eris
Dear Editor:
It's okay, I sort of expected this from the author. But it's still pretty stupid.
Sincerely,
Tobias
Dear Editor:
Boycotting until this is fixed.
--Pablo
Dear Editor:
Okay, so we got that little idiotic scene cut. That's good. I suspect the author was probably tired, desperate, and wanted a few extra words (unfortunately, it didn't work very well-- that was a rather short scene) so we'll let it slide. Let's get back to solving this problem once and for all.
Having said that, I do wish to express a bit of personal concern. While I agree that this is the way the story has to go and that there's no one else that can effectively sneak into the Web without a previous connection like he has, I'm... a bit worried for Tobias. This won't be very pleasant on him. I guess I have gotten a bit more... concerned about him in general. I suppose I wouldn't be too happy with being forced to eat brains to survive, either, and I do admire the fact that he would have rather starved than harm people. And he has saved me before. I guess what I'm trying to say is, please don't be too mean to him. He's a part of this group and it wouldn't be right if we lost him.
I suppose we are a group, now. It's a bit strange to think of. I'm used to doing everything by myself, I've never traveled with companions before. I guess part of it is how vulnerable I feel, hell, how vulnerable I am right now, being in this form. I realize now that this isn't something I can solve myself and that whatever this Web group is, we'll need everything at our disposal to stop whatever plan they've got and set reality back to the way it was.
Signed,
Zayr Enesse A'osut
P. S. Please don't let Eris wander into there like I suspect she's going to try and do....
Dear Editor:
Don't try and stop me from following him inside. It's stupid to just send one person when two can cover more ground and watch out for each other. Not that I need watching. I mean, not that I'm really worried about him either, but you know. Never know when the author's going to give me another chance to play a bit of heroics. ...I can't believe I said that. I mocked it when Nikado was babbling about it, but now I sort of like getting appreciated for my talent, you know? I was in this just to get this curse off, but hell, maybe there's something else in it.
Also, if you sic that dude that turned Tobias on him? Head comes off with a nice swish and a plop. My boomerang has an edge. :)
Ready for some more action,
Eris
Dear Editor:
It seems a little slow right now. I know I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for, but still, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be looking for. All I see are a bunch of hooded guys mumbling stuff I can't really make out. It's pretty creepy, actually. What are they trying to get at? I don't understand. Is there something I'm missing? Give me some kind of hint, please.
... I didn't mean HIM....
Sincerely,
Tobias
Dear Editor:
...wow, did you do that for me on purpose? Cause I totally warned you. I hope you weren't planning on editing that part out, because really, me decapitating that guy from afar was really awesome. I mean, it was totally a swish and plop. And see, zombies aren't immortal after all. It's kind of sad that he didn't bleed, though, cause that would have been awesome.
Of course, now my sneaking around has been totally busted and they've caught me and will probably do horrible things to my poor innocent body before killing me.
Still worth it.
I REGRET NOTHING,
Eris
Dear Editor:
Oh no you don't. I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to do your job or anything, but I don't want you to harm Eris. I don't really care if it is for the plot, either. We're both leaving here together, and she's staying alive. It's the least I can do for this story.
Sincerely,
Tobias
Dear Editor:
ajfdklajdlka he's trying to make me DISAPPEAR
i have no TORSO
it's GONE
Is he trying to ERASE ME?
i don't want to die
--Eris
Dear Editor:
Stop it. Just stop it. I said we were leaving together, and that's what's going to happen!
Sincerely,
Tobias
Dear Editor:
Dude. Since when can Tobias do magic? I didn't know he was a mage. I mean, of all the times he could have used magic, and he never did. This isn't just another cheap plot device to save our asses, is it?
...Oh.
Shutting up now,
Eris
Dear Editor:
Eh heh. It's okay, really. It was for a good cause, so what's one hand?
Sincerely,
Tobias
Dear Editor:
Just a hand? What's one hand? djaslkdjlkas He blew OFF his hand in front of me! Is that how zombies cast their magic or something? Damn it. Damn it. I was supposed to be saving HIM, and he ends up dragging me out of their like some weak damsel in distress. DAMN IT!
I'm so tired of it ending up this way. Can't I protect myself? I was trying to rescue him, damn it all! I don't want it to happen like this! Please change it. Please?
Upset,
Eris
Dear Editor:
It's okay. I don't mind the hand thing. I mean, what with technically being dead and all to begin with, I can just graft on a new hand when we find another corpse. Besides, I don't really mind. It was for a good cause. I'm glad I could do something important for a friend.
I do agree that I shouldn't be carrying her out, though. It would be awkward with one hand, and besides, she's not that weak.
Sincerely,
Tobias
Dear Editor:
DAMN IT. DAMN IT. I hate him. What's this 'for a good cause' crap? Why is he like that? Doesn't he care what happens to him at all? I swear, I'm going to slap him. All this self-sacrificing CRAP has got to stop. He's as much a part of this group as the rest of us, damnit, and I'm going to make him start acting like it if I have to beat it into him!
Damn it. I see what the author's up to. We won't be able to make it back to the rest of the group yet, so we're being set up overnight in the middle of the wilderness. Cute. You couldn't set me up with the main characters (which would have been really creepy either way given the age differences, I'm only 19 for god's sake) so we're setting me up with the zombie. Look, it's not the size that matters, it's how DEAD he is. I'm not looking for romance, okay? This is a crock of crap. I LIKE being single.
...but honestly, traveling with this group hasn't been that bad. And... argh. I don't want to fall for him, zombie or no zombie. But I feel like... I don't know. He's my friend. It's a little weird to think about it like that, I mean I haven't really been friendly with anyone for, well, a long time. I also feel a little sorry for him. It's lousy dealing with what he has to deal with. That's also weird. I'm not the type to feel sorry for anyone. The tough survive and the weak don't. But I don't think he's weak. Just... I don't know. He's too hard on himself, I think. He should have more self-confidence. I wish I could offer that to him, but I'm not so sure I ever had it, myself.
Damn it. I didn't mean to say all of that. I don't know what's wrong with me. I usually don't think so much about stupid little things like this. It's not right. I should take a rest before my next death comes. Hopefully it's something simple like a tree dropping on me (there's no shortage of trees here).
Eris
P. S. Um, could you tell Tobias he can grab my hand if he wants? If he's quick about it. It'll come back as long as he gets it off while I'm still dead. Er, he can have my brain too, again as long as he's quick.
Dear Editor:
I'm glad this was the story I was included in.
Sincerely,
Tobias
Dear Editor:
Holy crap, Eris is quiet. Did something happen? I'm all worried about her :( We missed out on some trauma, didn't we? Or is the author just calling it 'character development' now? I mean, I'm all for a little maturing and all on occasion, but not all of that has to come through god damned ANGST! ONE happy person besides me. PLEASE NAO.
Love,
Nikado
Dear Editor:
Okay. So we asked at large (i.e., the author) if there was some way to prevent reality poofing. Pablo had a solution, which is interesting to say the least. Just one little cliche point is bothering me.
Why is it always virgin girls?
Signed,
Zayr Enesse A'osut
Dear Editor:
...you're telling this to Eris, not me.
--Pablo
Dear Editor:
You know, I was going to be bitchy about it, but it's just my hair. What the hell. Let's see all the fanboys drool over me once my "tresses" and "gorgeous locks" (when funnily enough, my hair is actually pretty scraggly, usually tangled), and I was thinking of getting it cut anyway. So there.
Let's bring it, bitches.
Already got the razor,
Eris
Dear Editor:
Be honest with me. Is it really that author is writing the story that much better in its later stages? Or, rather, is it that we as the characters have changed a bit, gotten used to each other, and are finally focused on the upcoming resolution?
Well, whatever. Let's come up with a plan and go save the world.
Signed,
Zayr Enesse A'osut
Dear Editor:
Well, we would save the world if they hadn't gone all invisible mode on us. What the hell are they doing? Are we going to get this climax on the road or not? Stupid mages.
Love,
Nikado
Dear Editor:
Agreed, what's going on? We're totally stalling out here. Oh, look at us, the big bad bunch of freaks scared of a couple of kids snooping around.
Snarkily,
Eris
Dear Editor:
I agree. Are they acting like they meant for us to escape or something? What a load of lies. Un-hide them, please.
Sincerely,
Tobias
Dear Editor:
Actually, let them hide. I'll just take off my protective bracelet for a moment and make them come out. Let's see if they meant THIS to happen.
--Pablo
Dear Editor:
Wow, that was pretty awesome for a math nerd. If he wasn't my enemy's son, I'd almost kiss him for that.
I think I'll kiss Tobias instead.
NOBODY HEARD ANYTHING.
NOTHING, I SAY.
In denial,
Eris
Soon, the letters shall end.
