Dear Editor:
You know, Tobias is rather quiet, but he's really quite sensible. I still haven't recovered enough to help out with this scene, so I'm afraid I'll have to leave it up to everyone else. Thanks for your efforts, though.
--Pablo
Dear Editor:
I can tell you've already been over this scene, it's already looking pretty good. The descriptions of this town aren't nearly as awkward as they are in the city, and it has a proper name instead of having something silly like 'Murrayville'. We've already met several engaging NPCs that will float this section of the story quite nicely. You're not getting off scot-free, though. :) First off, is the author an architechure major? I don't think so, because some of these buildings just aren't making sense, either for our supposed fantasy-esque setting or just in general. I suppose it's not really a big thing, but hey, nitpicking is what we're here to help you with. It's mostly because I feel like every time I walk under one of these huge jutting overhangs that it's going to fall on my head (and that had better not be a plot device!) Wouldn't it have made more sense to stick those in the city, anyway?
And then there's the matter of the plot. I think it's important to help put the pieces together that it be a little more clear that no one thinks there has ever been a city where our "Murrayville" used to be. Perhaps you could add a scene of me trying to look it up and finding blank pages? The paradox of us knowing about and remembering a city that isn't supposed to have ever existed I think nails home the point that whoever's tinkering with reality hasn't perfected their technique yet and gives us a hint of how complicated altering reality is.
Also, why is random villager number four singing some "give me a sign, hit me baby one more time" line? Not only is it totally out of place, but it sucks, and can't we get sued for that?
Love,
Nikado
P. S. This passage?
"A job?" Eris wrinkled her nose. "I don't want a job."
Nikado glanced up from the book, looking at her over the spectacles he wore whenever in reading. "But you do want to eat."
"... All right already, I'm going."
Yeah. That passage so wins.
Dear Editor:
I don't have a problem with the idea of a job. Okay, so I do, but that's not my point. My problem is what kind of job that goddamned author just gave me. Do I look like a fucking waitress? And the dress? And the lace and the short skirt and the goddamn lacy FRILLS? C'mon, can we say 'blatant attempt to pull in the fanboys'? No. No. Change this to something sensible, please. Preferably something that puts cloth between my legs. But other than that? I don't have much of a problem with having to earn a little money for food while we wait for Pablo to get better.
HOWEVER.
"Suddenly, cabbages! Thousands of them!"
NOT the way I want my personal plot device to be introduced. Seriously. We're warping reality and whatnot and monster cabbages is the best the author can come up with? What's next? Coffee that drinks its drinker? How very Soviet Russia of you.
The fact that you're respecting that I can handle rabid cabbages by myself without needing some big strong *man* to save me is appreciated, though.
Making insta-salad,
Eris
Dear Editor:
Hi! My name's Pablo! You knew that already. My last name is hard to spell, though. Did you know it refers to something to the eighth power? Eighth is harder to spell. So many H's. My fingers keep going over all on the keyboard and its confdusing. Bad figners! Can you scold my fingers? Or edit them? I don't need fingers. Claws! How about claws? Claws would be cool. Hooray claws! Then I could help Eris with her salad making and it would be cool. Except that we'd need someone to reality-ize some ranch dressing. Not blue cheese or whatever it is, though, cause that's gross. Reality-ize is a cool word. I just made it up. So how are you? I'm fune but Mr. Nikado says i hsouldn't write so much because I'll pass out again and i might vomit on the letter and that would be bad because then it'd smell and you probably wouldn't want a smelly kletter. But I'm not throwing up as mufch anymore :D Im pretty good actually except that spometimes I grow for arms. But thats okay because i have two keyboards on them and they can wave to the two nikados. OMG. Wouldn't that be cool if there were two of everyone? I wonder what I would do with another me? Maybe I could make him pie. I like pie, so I bet he would too. And we could both do differential equations together! That would be fun. Those are great, you know? Math is great. Numbers make so much sense. Ever heard of a Fibonacci sequence? It's all 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13.... omg. So. Cool. See, it's like each number is from the first two before it it. Isn't that cool? Physics are also cool. You should see my gravity spell. It's really quite simple I don't know why other people cant cast it. It's just a matter of changing the numbers around a little. Yes, math is wonderful. NIKADO! Write a letter with me! What's your favorite thing heeeeey why are you trying to take my paper? YOURE A PAPER THIEF
--Pablo
Dear Editor:
Uh, sorry about that. Note to self, don't let Pablo help out with the editing when he's still sick and mostly delirious.
Love, Nikado
Dear Editor:
This city needs more tacky hats. Please provide. Thanks. ...Actually, if it's not too much trouble to ask, is there something I could do during this period of time? I know the hunger issues are kind of getting in the way and I wish they weren't, but the hats are helping to keep me distracted from people's pretty pretty skulls. Maybe I could help Mr. Nikado take care of Mr. Pablo while he's sick. I do owe him for helping me out and not killing me or leaving me there to go after someone else. I really respect him and his kindness.
I wonder what kind of magic Mr. Pablo has. He keeps rambling about spacial physics and other things I don't understand in his delirium. I'm not sure if it's just gibberish or what. I envy him a little....
Also, could you please be a little easier on Eris's edits, maybe? I know she isn't easy to get along with, but she is really working hard for us right now. The cabbages thing was a little unnecessary.
Sincerely,
Tobias
Dear Editor:
I apologize for the tone of my previous letters. It seems that I complained a bit more than I thought. I will try and make my criticisms more constructive in the future.
...To be honest, this letter feels a little strange to write, but given that this next scene does focus on me, it would work against the story if I did not offer my input.
This side plot has the potential to really grip the audience, but the author is inexperienced at writing this sort of thing, as you've probably noticed. They're going about it all wrong. Let's start by losing the beard and knocking ten years off his age or so. Give him a name (personally, I've always been amiable to Alexian). Next, don't make it so obvious. Lurking in an alley? He'd be arrested before the day was out. Have him sitting at a table, maybe reading something intellectual. I'm not totally dense, so if he started acting strange, I'd be warned off. If he's observed me, he would know that a little extra cash would be a good lure as opposed to a lollipop or something asinine.
He should be much nicer, friendly. I shouldn't have a clue that anything's wrong until he actually makes to catch me in his trap. His intentions should probably be coupled with a threat of violence, probably with a knife. ...I can't believe I'm saying this, but I probably shouldn't get away scot free. I should probably take some sort of injury, particularly given my ineptitude with my current form and the disproportionate size of my weapon.
I hope this aids you in modifying this scene.
Signed,
Zayr Enesse A'osut
Dear Editor:
I suppose I can't say anything about this scene since it is largely Mr. Zayr's, but... it bothers me. I think it bothers him as well, but I guess I can't really complain. I mean, eating a guy that has... um... those sort of tendencies is kind of gross, but at least I could help Mr. Zayr out. Still... are those kinds of things really necessary in this story? It feels like the author's picking on Mr. Zayr just because he's the main character. I guess I can't really ask you to exclude this scene, but I think it goes against the feel of the story overall. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth (and I don't mean from eating the guy's face).
Sincerely,
Tobias
Dear Editor:
Ooh! Is it my turn for a plot device? What do I get, what do I get?
....
A mime. Hooray. The threatening sign? Really scary. "Danger." "I am going to kill you now." I know this is supposed to be comedic, but come ON. I can't even believe he's even trying to assassinate me over the book given that there's more than one and ow fuck I'm bleeding.
.... HE JUST MADE ME BLEED WITH HIS *MIND*
I'm getting the hell out of here.
Love,
Nikado
Dear Editor:
Um, sorry about my previous letter. I'm feeling better now, honest. Just in time, too. It's nice to be a part of the story again. Anyway, this isn't so much a complaint as a bit of a surprise. Is Nikado really that superstitious? I mean, he did okay around me so I didn't think he'd be the type to be flipping out about something that seems magical. Hee hee. I guess Zayr's a bit right about Nikado being rather childish in some ways. It's kind of endearing though. Still, I wonder if Nikado shouldn't be able to see these fine glass knives. I know he's a bit worked up, but they just seem so obvious to me.
Ooh, I get to use my energy transferring tactics now! I'm so glad. I haven't gotten to play with formulas for quite a while so I was almost going through number withdrawals. Do you think we could include some of my formulas or would those be too complicated for the readers? I could try to explain some of the numbers and constants, but fiddling with energy in a closed system is just too good to pass up, you know?
--Pablo
Dear Editor:
...I don't understand any of what Pablo just tried to explain to me. Does this make me stupid? :'(
Love,
Nikado
Dear Editor:
I'm getting kind of bored. Can we move on now?
Oh. You've sent a gigantic sin against nature rampaging through the town.
I suppose that'll do.
Hooray! I get to kill something now!
Ready and willing to let off some steam,
Eris
Dear Editor:
See, this monster is what you get when you take too many dares and include too much non-essential plot in the story. That's a joke, by the way. I don't think I'm very good at them. At any rate, thank Pablo for me for adjusting my sword's proportions to my current height. Also, call Mr. Can Kill With His Bare Hands over here, I'm going to need his help. He can stop whining about his wounds long enough to get the plot moving.
Strangely, I feel rather good about this fight. If the author hasn't done the best job writing the lot of us beating down a sin against reality, I'm sure you can polish up the prose. Also, tell Pablo to stop fiddling with his book and get over here or he's going to miss out.
Signed,
Zayr Enesse A'osut
Dear Editor:
Oh, come on, is this really fair? You poof my town but somehow I still retain my wonderful Grand-Most Archmage descendant status?
I just don't like this scene, or rather, my role in it. I just can't grasp the mathematics of something that isn't supposed to exist. I'm a math genius, not a miracle worker, and the crowd of people yelling at me to go kill the monster like the great mage I am is really not helping my concentration.
I have a sudden bad feeling the author is going to be mean to me soon....
--Pablo
Dear Editor:
Plot purposes and all, I know, but could you go a little easier on Pablo? So his magic's a little weird. So he ends up leaving Zayr and Eris and me to kill the monster cause he can't wrap his number-y mind around it. We can deal with it so I don't see why the rest of the NPCs can't stuff it. Or is picking on him just impetus to finally move us out of town? If so, we could really use a new plot device.
Love,
Nikado
Dear Editor:
...when Nikado said we needed a new plot device, giving Tobias a screaming nightmare was probably not the way to go about it nor what he had in mind.
Signed,
Zayr Enesse A'osut
Dear Editor:
Tell Mr. Zayr thanks, but I don't mind moving along the plot for everyone. Thanks for thinking of me.
Sincerely,
Tobias
Dear Editor:
I think I have to agree with Nikado on this one. There have to be better ways of moving us along to another location than reminding Tobias of what he's become. I'll leave it to you to decide whether to change it or not, however.
Having said that, I'd like to ask something concerning the current scene. First off, I must say that your traveler with the sunflowers is one of the more engaging minor characters we've come across. He had a lot to say without being useless padding, and he seemed quite intelligent and perceptive. However, when he handed out a sunflower for the one that has lost someone they hold the closest, why did he give it to Nikado?
Signed, Zayr Enesse A'osut
Dear Editor:
!!!
Did you just give me an opportunity to talk about my past? You did, didn't you? OMG. I love you!
This is awesome. I'm so happy! There's so much I can say about him, you know. We did spend most of our teen years together. SUch a serious type, could never hold his liquor, a bit of a wimp. He tried teaching me chess, I tried teaching him how to fight. (We both failed.) No sense of humor, I really tried working on that with him. Sometimes his parents joked about us being evil twins of each other because we were such terrible opposites. He didn't smile that much, but he had a way of looking with his expression and his eyes so you knew he was happy. He was the one that gave me the book and keyed it to me so I could read it. You know, I haven't seen his parents since he was killed a few years ago defending the book. I really should look them up sometime. Whoops, getting the paper a little wet, so I think I'll call it quits for now. Thanks again!
Love,
Nikado
