Talpa-chan: Eh? *picks up script* What the hell is this?
Nico: *looks over his shoulder* Batman? He sucked.
Ki-chan: Yeah, Superman all the way!
Nico: No way! Robin, girl, he was the hottie.
Talpa-chan: -_- Are you two done now?
Working Title
Duo: Work? I see no work here.
and Script of the RI-Productions Movie of Batman:
Batman: The Return
Washu: Of the nerds. ^^
(but not the return of Batman, the return of the criminals)
Kento: Well, duh. Batman never went anywhere.
Characters so far:
Riddler
Talpa-chan: Riddle me this...
Catwoman
Duo: Rrrrrrowl... *is elbowed by Nico*
Nico: You're setting a bad example for Megumi-chan.
Megumi: *giggles and coos in Nico's arms*
Ki-chan: Dear god, Nico, are you out to scar that child before
her first birthday?
Nico: She'll be fine.
Poison Ivy
Kento: There was an old song about that...now if I could only recall the lyrics...
Batman
Nico/Ki-chan: Boo.
Batgirl
Girls: Go women!
Robin
Nico: Woot! *is elbowed by Duo*
Alfred
Ki-chan: Skanky old men in the same movies as hotties should
be illegal.
Talpa-chan: At least he's not a skanky old man in a miniskirt.
Ki-chan: EW!
Talpa-chan: And a size 38 thong.
Nico/Ki-chan: EWWWWWW!
Narrator
All: EVIL! Kill it!
Asylum officers
Ryo: Now where's tia when you need her...
Reporter
Rowen: Nothing funny to see here, folks, move along.
Three Random Girls in Robin's room
Duo: Lucky!
Nico: Duo!
Scene 1 - Outside the Asylum
Kento: They're coming to take me away, ha ha...
Ryo: Where's tia?!
It's night outside of the asylum where the Riddler is held.
Washu: Think tia could make a decent Riddler?
Talpa-chan: She's got the crazy part down, but there is no way in
hell she could pass for a man.
Washu: True.
Nico: There's always binding...
Washu: *looks at her blankly*
Nico: ...a LOT of binding...
Ki-chan: Can we move the conversation AWAY from the size of tia's
breasts?
Talpa-chan: *laughs evilly*
Nico: We're so dead if she finds this...
Riddler is running out of the woods running and laughing hysterically.
Rowen: *holds a camera to his face* I'm so scared...
In the background there are lights and we see dark figures that are
Kento: Coming to take me away!
the asylum people. Riddler trips over the chain.
Ryo: Now that is so tia...
Riddler -
I'm free! I'm free!
Rowen: *as Riddler, falls into open sewer* ...dangit...
I can have my revenge!
Kento: For?
Rowen: I dunno. Revenge on the writers for doing this?
Ryo: Revenge on Mary Kate and Ashley for their horrible, horrible
movies?
Washu: Revenge on Steve Case for existing?
Scene 2 - In the Bat Cave
The camera shows the Bat Cave, moaning and screams are heard.
Rowen: It's torture.
Duo: Someone's dead.
Talpa-chan: It's hentai.
Narrator - [not seen]
Meanwhile, back at the Bat Cave, Robin and Alfred are making hot
steamy love behind Batman's back.
Nico/Ki-chan: EWWWW! Hot guy making out with nasty skanky old
man!!! EWWWWW!
Talpa-chan: Ha! Pay up!
Duo/Rowen: *grumble, hand over five bucks*
Robin -
I don't know about you, Alfy,
Duo: Giving someone that nickname is grounds for immediate execution.
but I feel so much yummier.
Nico/Ki-chan: ~____~ Gross...
Talpa-chan: *hentai laugh*
Alfred -
If I can say so myself, young master, you look a whole lot
yummier.
Nico: That's it. The writers must die.
Ki-chan: Yeah, Robin sucks but this is just wrong...
Nico: He does not suck!
Talpa-chan: He swallows.
Nico/Ki-chan: ... ~_~
Scene 3 - Riddler's Lab
Kento: Dude, he just escaped and already he's got a lab again?
Washu: Copycat!
The Riddler is dabbling with his new invention, putting the final touches on his Physic Seeing machine.
Rowen: Physic? Isn't that like a type of medicine?
Kento: See, he's not such a bad guy.
Washu: I can see why he's crazy though. Making something like
that and not getting a patent or at least some kind of copyright?
Riddler - [working on his new machine with his tools on
his desk]
YES! This is the final adjustment… No, this is the final…wait
this…yes this is the final adjustment to my machine, wait,
no this is…Oh well, no time, no time.
Washu: What a loser.
Talpa-chan: *tickles Megumi's nose with a finger* Who's going to
grow up to be a big hentai like her uncle Talpa-chan? You are!
^_^
Megumi: Goo! *grabs Talpa-chan's finger and breaks it*
Talpa-chan: YAHAA! *jumps back and nurses injured finger*
Nico: Serves you right.
[Riddler looks at a watch that is not there.]
Talpa-chan: Watches are for the weak.
Washu: Who needs watches when you've got a digital display
implanted in your wrist?
Riddler uses his machine to see where Robin will be so he can kill him.
Nico: EVIL!
Ki-chan: After that last scene? Consider it a mercy killing.
Riddler -
Riddle me this, riddle me that,
Show me where the young bird's at.
Oh, I see, he'll be at Wal-greens at 3.
Rowen: *blink* Those still exist?
I'll make sure it's his last.
Scene 4 - Robin's Death Untimely at Wal-greens
Camera follows Robin into the store.
Ryo: *as Robin* Stop following me. ¬_¬
Robin picks up yeast-infection meds.
Nico/Ki-chan: UGH!
Duo: *looks at the oblivious Megumi* I'm so glad she's not old
enough to ask what that is.
Robin - [to himself]
This is perfect for my condition. [Camera zooms in to see yeast-infection
med. He turns it over to the back and reads it.] Poison if
ingested.
Washu: Most external medicines are.
Rowen: As are most MSTs.
There we see Riddler behind a stack of medicine then attacks Robin.
Riddler -
You ordered a stiff drink, didn't you?
Kento: What a way to go out.
Talpa-chan: Nah, the best way to go out is at the age of 73
trying to remove the bra of a 16 year old with your teeth.
Ki-chan: That is so wrong...
Duo: ...I wanna try that...
As Robin lies on the floor drying
Ryo: He was wet?
Talpa-chan: *hentai laugh* VERY.
Ryo: You took that the wrong way, didn't you?
Talpa-chan: YES. XD
he speaks.
Robin - [On the floor, choking]
How could you have beaten me? [Robin reaches up to touch Riddler]
Is it because of those strong, big, rippling muscles?
Rowen: Bah, you ain't seen nothing yet.
Ryo: ^_^
Kento: I'm leaving.
Riddler - [smacks Robin's hand away]
Back off fool! That's not the reason. It's because I'm a whole
lot less gay than you are.
Riddler strips Robin of his cloths,
Kento: In the store?? O_O
walks out of the store and hides his face to Alfred and gets in the car. Camera then zooms in on Catwoman before returning to Riddler and Alfred.
Riddler - [seriously]
Do you know who I am?
Duo: A chipmunk.
Kento: A drunk nether spirit.
Talpa-chan: The prostitute I ordered.
Duo/Kento: ...
Alfred - [lovingly]
There's no one who knows you better than I do, Dick.
Talpa-chan: *takes that the wrong way* XD
Nico: You know, I wonder if Talpa-chan can take anything the
RIGHT way anymore...
Riddler - [has a puzzled face, speaks to self]
Oh, I get it…
Rowen: You sure 'bout that?
Scene 5 - Arrive at the Mansion
They arrive at the mansion.
Peasants: *come in half dressed* Yay.
All: o_O;;; What the hell were THEY doing?
Talpa-chan: ^_^ Good peasants!
Outside:
Ryo: Wait. Did we go inside?
Riddler -
So, you rebuilt this place? Where's my room?
Talpa-chan: And are you coming or not? *wink*
Nico/Ki-chan: EW! *began beating Talpa-chan*
Talpa-chan: Oh, pain beyond pain...oh hey, a condom.
Others: ...
Alfred -
Don't you remember, young master? We were there last night. Are
you not feeling well?
Talpa-chan: No, I feel horny. Want to make out?
Duo: Is it possible someone could just sleep with him to get
those impulses out of his system?
Girls: HELL NO.
Duo: *looks at the guys*
Guys: HELL NO.
Talpa-chan: So feeling the love...
Riddler -
Oh, I remember everything. I feel
Kento: Like a natural woman...
Ryo: I knew it. You are gay.
Kento: >< I am not! It's a pun!
Ryo/Rowen: *grin and snicker*
fine. [Alfred takes Riddler to his room, Riddler slams the door in Alfred's face]
Nico: My beautiful face! My beautiful, beauti.....wait.
Duo: He may not be beautiful, but you are. ^_^
Nico: Awww... ^_^
Talpa-chan: Are you two going to make out? If so, let me grab my
video camera.
Duo/Nico: ...
Ki-chan: Please. One Megumi at a time.
Megumi: Goo!
Oh, this is defiantly his room. [He looks around to see hot guy posters
Ki-chan: Backstreet Boys!
Nico: Ki-chan!
Ki-chan: What?
Nico: Ew!
Ki-chan: Wha?
Nico: They're the BACKSTREET BOYS. Think about it.
Ki-chan: ...so?
Nico: Everyone knows that N'sync is hotter!
Boys: ... *sweatdrop*
on the wall, he scans the room and at first doesn't see the three random girls around the room.] Please tell me at least one of you are my girlfriend.
Duo: Please tell me more than one of you are. *is hit upside
the head by Nico* x_X
Nico: Duo! You're married!
Ki-chan: *dryly* That's our Duo!
Random girl sniffing the shoe -
Kento: ...dare I ask what's in it?
Washu: Feet?
Kento: x____X;;;
"Is my girlfriend" use correct grammar.
Talpa-chan: I'll be damned. Arty managed correct grammar.
Kento: And for our next miracle, we'll castrate Talpa-chan.
Talpa-chan: Oh, ha ha.
Kento: I wasn't kidding.
Talpa-chan: O_O;; *inches away from Kento*
Ryo: ...Wait. Arty wrote this?
Washu: Yes...
Ryo: Oh, shit! We're REALLY dead now!
Random girl on the bed -
Please Maria, this is Robin.
Ki-chan: No, it's Riddler.
Rowen: HA! You are stuuuuuuuupid!
Random girl against mirror next to random girl sniffing
the shoe -
Well, you could call us your 'girlfriends', we talk about make-up,
fashion, oh, and HOT guys.
Riddler -
Oh lord…
Straight guys: *laugh, point and mock*
Ryo/Rowen: *jealous*
Scene 6 - Catwoman in the Ally
Catwoman is pacing trying to figure out what to do.
Ki-chan: Should I wear the pink tutu or the blue...?
Catwoman -
What should I do…? What should I do…?
Duo: Kill the wabbit! Kill the wabbit!
Talpa-chan: No, it's duck season! Fire!
Ki-chan: Okay! :D *BLAM*
Talpa-chan: x_X Make love, not war... *falls over*
Tell Batman and possibly win his affection or keep this secret to myself and enjoy it?
Talpa-chan: *sits up* Ah, but does the secret enjoy you? *falls
back over*
Kento: ...Okay, that's it. Hand me something to castrate him with.
*moves toward Talpa-chan, then pauses* You know, someone's
supposed to try and hold me back.
Ki-chan: But we wanna see this as much as you want to do it.
Kento: Okay! :D
Talpa-chan: *whimper*
Batgirl - [enters ally and sees Catwoman]
What are you do'n here, pussy?
Talpa-chan: *takes that the wrong way, laughs, then RUNS from
Kento*
Kento: Hold still! I might miss! *swipes with tetsubo*
Talpa-chan: There is no way in hell you're getting near my
manhood with that thing!
Duo: Get 'em, Kento!
Ki-chan: *to Nico* Talpa-chan's a man?
Nico: Who knew?
Washu: *stiffly* Of course he is. What did you think he was, a
hermaphrodite?
Ki-chan: How about a nether spirit?
Nico: Whoa-ho! Washu, you da girl with the inside look! *grins
and nudges Ki-chan*
Washu: -_- *sulks, turns red*
Causing more trouble?
Kento: *still swinging* Does anything ELSE happen around this place?
Catwoman - [stops pacing and faces Batgirl]
The question is,
Nico: 42.
Ki-chan: No, that's the Answer.
what are you doing here?
Duo: The question is 'what are you doing here?' and the answer
is '42'....I don't get it...
Nico/Ki-chan: *roll eyes*
Batgirl -
As a hero
Ki-chan: Actually, heroine. Heroes are male.
Duo: Isn't that a drug?
Nico: Are you reading ahead?
of Gotham I don't need to explain
Ryo: Why books burn at 451 degrees.
Rowen: The quadratic formula.
Kento: Herself.
myself to the likes of you.
Kento: Pay up.
Ryo/Rowen: *grumble, hand over five bucks*
Talpa-chan: This is like a bad Artemis posse MST.
Ki-chan: You TRYING to get us killed?!
Kento: Oh yeah, you aren't neutered yet! *runs after him again*
Catwoman -
Well, it just so happens to be that I have something that might
be of interest to you.
Talpa-chan: *yells over his shoulder as he runs away* A GOOD
TIME! XD
Kento: Hold still, dammit! *swipe*
Others: ...
Batgirl - [frantically grabs Catwoman]
What? Weed? Heroin?
Duo: Ha! I was right!
Ki-chan: So you WERE reading ahead!
More clients? I need to get paid, or laid, which ever comes first.
Talpa-chan: Preferably the second. *ducks*
Kento: Dammit, you're as slippery as a greased pig!
Talpa-chan: Hey, some of my friends are greased pigs.
Nico: Why doesn't that surprise me?
Megumi: Goo.
Catwoman - [shakes Batgirl]
Get a hold of yourself!
Talpa-chan: Now now, self-groping is bad, m'kay? *WHAP*
Kento: Gotcha, you slippery bastard! *gets out surgical tools*
I just have information about a certain bird that you are close to.
Batgirl -
Oh, Robin? Everybody knows he's gay.
Kento: *pauses* You know, I just got to wonder HOW everyone
'knows' that.
Others: ...
Kento: Oh god, it's catching! I had a Talpa-chan moment!
Talpa-chan: *takes this opportunity to HIDE*
Catwoman -
Not that! He's dead!
Nico: Eh, my mistake. Not much difference.
Ryo/Rowen: ¬_¬
Batgirl - [over joyed at first then covers it quickly]
YES!…I mean…NO!
Duo: She was jealous cause he was the sexiest man alive and
promised to 'Alfy'.
Ki-chan/Nico: Do NOT go there.
Catwoman -
Wait, but that's not all.
Kento: If you call within the next thirty minutes, we'll throw in this FREE instructional video!
You know who did it?
Washu: Miss Scarlet in the kitchen with the pipe. *checks the
cards* Ha! I win!
Others: *grumble*
Batgirl -
Who? Please tell me!
Rowen: *as Batgirl* So I can thank him!
Catwoman - [slyly]
Well, you'll have to do me a little favor.
Talpa-chan: YEAH BABY, YEAH!
Kento: Ha! Found you!
Talpa-chan: *runs away again*
Batgirl -
Oh, no! I'm not like that!
Ryo: You sure about that, hon?
Catwoman -
Not that! You have to promise to let me have Batman all to myself.
[camera on her face]
Ki-chan: *as Catwoman* Goddamnit, get that camera out of my face! I've got acne!
Batgirl - [with fingers crossed behind her back, camera shots her face
Nico: *as Catwoman* Ouch!
then changes to her back and shows her fingers crossed]
Sure, I can do
Talpa-chan: Me, baby, ME!
Washu: *glare*
Talpa-chan: Or not.
Duo: HA! Partners my ass!
Nico: Partners your very fine ass.
Duo: ^_^
Ki-chan: -_-;
that. I promise! Now, tell me who killed Robin.
Rowen: It was the guy on the ceiling with an eraser in his ear.
Catwoman -
I killed Mufasa!…oh!…Riddler killed Robin.
Peasants: Shake shake shake...shake shake shake...shake your
bootie!
Posse: o_O;;;
Scene 7 - Batgirl and Robin
Catwoman failed
Talpa-chan: *Darth Vader voice* You have failed me for the
last time.
Kento: Wait. You just made a joke that WASN'T perverse!
Talpa-chan: Yeah, I can do that...
All: *fall over*
to tell Batgirl Riddler has not only killed Robin but has also dressed as him.
Ryo: And yet, nobody questions the naked corpse in the store..
Batgirl sees Robin
Talpa-chan: Undress.
Duo: So now you're gay?
Talpa-chan: Uh...
Ryo/Rowen: *inch away*
, Robin hits on her, she is now pissed
Nico: Upon.
at Catwoman
Nico: Oh. My mistake.
because she thinks Catwoman lied to her.
Kento: *comes back from the bathroom* So what'd I miss?
Talpa-chan: Me having a good time with your girlfriend.
Kento: IRON ROCK CRUSHER!
Talpa-chan: x_x;;; *coughs out a puff of smoke* Owch...
Nico: Dude, he was kidding.
Kento: Oh. Sorry!
Scene 8 - Catwoman goes to Batman
Nico: Awwwww....how sweet.
Duo: Like a cavity.
Nico: Don't ruin the romantic moment.
Duo: Such as it is?
Nico: Someone's going to be sleeping on the couch.
Duo: I'll shut up now.
Catwoman goes to the home of Batman and tries to tell Batman. Batman doesn't believe her and walks out. Batgirl comes in.
Batgirl -
You lied to me! I saw Robin…alive and hitting on chicks!
Duo: So Riddler didn't kill him...just changed his sexual
orientation.
Ryo/Rowen: EVIL!
Catwoman -
Naw ah girlfriend!
Kento: So now they're gay?
Ki-chan: For the gods' sake, just pick a sexual orientation and
GO WITH IT!
Batgirl -
Ah huh girlfriend!
Fight scene, Catwoman wins because Batgirl trips.
Duo: On drugs.
Scene 9 - Riddler figures he needs Ivy
Talpa-chan: In THAT kind of way.
Nico: Let's face it, there was just no way to not take that the
wrong way.
Riddler -
I'm gonna need more help,
Rowen: Let me get the number of the men in the white coats for
you.
Ryo: tia?
Batman is bigger than I thought. [Laughing is heard]
All: *sit in stunned silence*
Talpa-chan: HA! It's not just me!
That's not what I meant!
Ryo: Suuuuuure it isn't.
Rowen: Give in to your flaming desires...
Ryo: Flaming... :D
Kento: *buries face in hands* Why are we stuck with the strange
ones? Why?
Wow! This room is really getting to me!
Ryo/Rowen: *grin at each other, push Kento into the room and
lock it*
Kento: NO!! LET ME OUT, DAMMIT! AAAAAAAH!!!
Ki-chan: That's cruel..
Nico: And yet satisfying in a kinda yaoi way.
Duo: *scoots away from Nico*
[Looks around room, finds ivy plant w/tag that says "Love, Alfy" on it] That's it!! That's also disgusting!
Nico: Ivy is disgusting?
Duo: Plant fetish.
Nico: That IS disgusting!
Kento: Guys! Let me out!
Scene 10 - Ribbler
Talpa-chan: I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...
Frees Ivy
At the asylum. Ribbler frees Ivy.
Ki-chan: Wow. That was exciting.
Duo: Best. Scene. EVAR.
Kento: *on the other side of the door, whimpering*
Rowen: Awww...Kento's gonna catch the gay.
Washu: You have caught THE GAY! Would you like to give it a
nickname?
Kento: NO! LET ME OUT! Will...crumbling...starting...to look at...cute
guys...
Scene 11 - Back to Riddler's Lab
Duo: We never left. Nyah nyah.
Ki-chan: *opens the door out of pity*
Kento: *cling* That was the most horrible experience I have ever
faced.
Ki-chan: *patpat*
Riddler has freed Ivy and the scene is
Duo: In the maintenance corridors of a space station orbiting
a faraway sun.
Nico: In the old west, along the streets of a ghost town.
Washu: In a lab.
back at Riddler's lab
Washu: Ha! Pay up!
Duo/Nico: *grumble*
Washu: You could offer me your firstborn child instead...
Nico: *puts a bazooka in Washu's mouth* How about not?
Duo: *cheers*
to explain why
Megumi: Wai! ^_^
Nico: Aww! She said her first word!
Ki-chan: Sounds like she'll grow up to be a fangirl, then.
Talpa-chan: *watching Kento be coddled by Ki-chan* Lucky Hardrock...
he freed Ivy and what his plan is.
Ivy - [Looking around while Riddler watches her]
Duo: Well, apparently the room didn't get to him much. He's
still straight.
Ryo/Rowen: Damn!
Kento: *shivers*
So, Mr. Mysterious,
Talpa-chan: Mr. Mysterious? Cliche.
Washu: His name's Riddler. It shouldn't be that hard.
Duo: At least he ain't Mr. Wonderful.
Nico/Ki-chan: *sing* Hey Mr. Wonderful, oh you're so incredible...
why have you decided to help me out?
Riddler -
Because I have something that might pull your strings…vines
in your case.
Talpa-chan: At least it's not a tentacle.
Tentacle: *reaches out from under the couch and grabs Ki-chan's
ankle*
Ki-chan: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Megumi: *grabs the tentacle and pulls; there's a ripping sound
and then Megumi hoists the severed tentacle in the air* Wai! ^_^
Nico: *hurriedly tosses the tentacle into Talpa-chan's lap* Here,
present for you.
Ki-chan: I am NEVER going under that couch again. Ever.
Ivy - [Moves close to Riddler and pulls him closer]
Talk.
Ryo: Is cheap.
Riddler -
Framing, my dear rose,
Nico: Bride! :D
Ki-chan: You watch Utena?
Nico: Sure.
Ki-chan: *shrugs* Pass the popcorn.
framing. See, this is the plan: You distract Batman while I create mischief in his suit.
Kento: Dude, I wouldn't wanna wear that thing...You know where it's been?
Ivy -
How will you get it?
Riddler -
I live in the house.
Ivy -
That's genius…wait…
All: No, it's not. Our bad.
why should I trust you?
Riddler -
We both have the same enemy and interest.
Ivy -
Interest?
Ryo/Rowen: Guys! XD
Nico/Ki-chan: *SNERK*
Duo: Fangirls... -_-
Kento: I hear ya.
Riddler -
Batman has always been responsible for stopping us, taking our
dreams and crushing them with all of his will and its time
Washu: For tea and eggrolls.
Duo: Sweet!
to for that to end.
Washu: No eggrolls?
Duo: Awww... T_T
Scene 12 - Ivy Seduces Batman
Duo: Wow, to be in his shoes...
Nico: *thwap!*
Narrator -
Poison Ivy shows up at the crime scene where surprise, surprise,
Ki-chan: Goody! I love surprises!
Talpa-chan: *tosses her the tentacle* Surprise.
Ki-chan: AAAAAAAAUGH! I'LL KILL YOU!
Talpa-chan: Then I shall die happy. *RUN*
Batman where has saved the day.
Ivy -
Wow, your game's improved since the last time you caught me.
Kento: *as Batman* Yeah, this time I actually read the rules. Funny how that helps, huh?
Batman -
Ivy?!
Ryo: No, I'm her twin sister, Oak. Have you met our cousin Sumac?
Ivy -
Yes, it's me, who else?
Ryo: Oak and Sumac!
Batman -
Did they release you or did you escape?
Ivy -
That's none of your concern [then she blows the confetti]
Rowen: There's a party? Yay! I love parties. Drinks for everyone!
Let's go back to your place
Guys: *lean forward, interested*
Nico: That does it, I'm dragging all you straight guys to a yaoi
MST. And, it'll be a lemon.
Guys: O_O;
Scene 13 - At the Bat Cave, Ivy touches Batman's
Talpa-chan: Bwahahaha!
Kento: How in the world did you go from being a semi-evil emperor
to a big pervert?
Talpa-chan: I dunno, it started innocently enough, just a few
jokes, and then I just started making more...
mask
Ivy -
Who are you really?
Duo: A woman!
Nico: *looks at him blankly*
Duo: Hey, if we can't have a straight mix, I figure lesbians are
the next best thing.
Nico: *THWAP!*
Batman - [removing mask]
I'm Bruce… Bruce Spingstein!!!!
Ivy -
Well then Bruce… I hope you were born to run… ALL OVER
MY BODY!!!!
Kento: That has to be the worst pickup line I've ever heard.
Rowen: And the worst part? It worked.
Narrator- [blank screen]
This scene will be censored for sexual content. Viewer discursion
is advised.
Talpa-chan: Oh, good.
All: *stare*
Talpa-chan: What? Just because I make the jokes doesn't mean I
actually want to see two skanky humans doing the dirty.
Duo: You never fail to amaze.
Talpa-chan: What can I say? I try.
Scene 14 - Batman and Ivy in Bed
Batman and Ivy are lying in bed together. The covers cover their
bodies.
Duo: Censorship! XO
Nico: *vein throb* Duo, the knuckles on my hand would like to get
to know your head a little better. C'mere.
Duo: *inches away*
Batman - [smoking a cigar]
Ki-chan: *yanks out the cigar, stomps on it, slaps Batman a
few times* SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU!
Kento: *watches Ki-chan's violent outburst* And there's your
proof.
That was great!
Rowen: *watching Nico about to hand Duo's ass to him* No, but this will be...
Scene 15 - Riddler Making Trouble
Narrator- [blank screen]
Meanwhile, the Riddler was getting a lot of action of a different
nature
Riddler is heard laughing.
Talpa-chan: A guy with my sense of humor.
Riddler as Batman- [laughing hysterically]
BURN BABY BURN!! Riddle me this, riddle me that how will Batman
escape my fiery trap
Reporter- [running by]
Batman, Batman, why are you doing this?
Kento: *as Batman* I dunno, seemed like the thing to do at the time.
Please, you've gotta stop
Riddler-
STOP!? Who would terrorize Gotham City!?
Duo: Al Kaida or however you spell it.
Others: *group beating* You *trying* to make us a target?
Scene 16 - The Newspaper Headlines
Newspaper-
1) GOTHAM SURROUNDED BY FLAMES- BATMAN ACCUSED
2) BATMAN AROUSE TO EVIL
Duo: You know, I gotta worry about what kind of mind would
leave this many openings to perverted jokes.
Nico: *glare* Maybe you should worry more about the minds that
would make this many perverted jokes. And whose minds you could
be impressing.
Megumi: Wai! ^_^
3) TEA AND CRUMPETS AT THE QUEEN'S
4) BATMAN CRASHES QUEEN'S PARTY; SEEN ESCAPING WITH TEA AND
CRUMPETS
Ryo: This was kind of funny by itself. So we left it alone.
Scene 14 - Back to Batgirl and Catwoman
Narrator -
You may have been wondering where Batgirl and Catwoman have been
all this time.
Duo: I knew it! Lesbians! Yes!
Nico: *proceeds with the clobbering*
Catwoman -
Batgirl, Batgirl…are you okay?
Batgirl - [on the ground, dazzed and confused]
I'm hungry, somebody feed me!
Kento: *throws popcorn at her* Here, catch.
Catwoman - [shakes her then helps her up.]
Get a hold of yourself! You have to get up;
Talpa-chan: I didn't know girls could do that.
Nico: *throws Duo at him* That does it! Time out for both of you!
I have a hunch that the Riddler is up to no good.
They do a Charlie's Angels pose.
Ki-chan: Oh, that is so lame.
Ryo: Yeah, no wonder tia used it, too.
Scene 15 - Batgirl and Catwoman Meet Ivy
Narrator -
Batgirl and Catwoman go in search of Batman. They are led to the
Bat Cave where they meet Poison Ivy.
Ivy -
Oh, girls, what a surprise. I thought I was the only woman in
Batman's life.
Talpa-chan: *pushes the semi-conscious Duo off him* Dude, that
guy gets around.
Girls: ...
Batgirl and Catwoman - [At the same time]
Where's Batman?
Washu: On the moon.
Kento: Hell.
Ki-chan: A torture chamber.
Ryo: Robin's room.
Kento: *shudder*
Ivy - [fake sympathy]
Oh, haven't you heard? [throws newspaper with headline of
Batman's capture] Batman's been…convicted.
Ki-chan: I'm the closest. Dough goes to me.
Washu: Nuh-uh, you didn't say jail, you don't get the cash.
Ki-chan: Fork it over, short stuff, there ain't no sedatives here.
Washu: *gulp, hands over five bucks*
Kento/Ryo: o_o; *quickly comply*
Batgirl -
Alright Ivy, you and me, right now! Kitty, go find Batman.
Kento: ...Kitty?
Talpa-chan: At least she didn't say 'pussy'...
Kento: *facepalm*
[she advices towards Ivy
Ki-chan: Advices?
Ryo: Yeah, didn't you know? She's a great marriage counselor.
Nico: Maybe we should visit. I'm having my doubts... *glares at
Duo*
Ki-chan: See, I told you this would happen. But noooo, the braid
was SUCH a turn-on...
as Catwoman nodes and leaves to find Batman]
Rowen: Okay, that does it, we are getting Arty a spellchecker
for Christmas. Agreed?
Others: *nodnod*
Fight scene between Batgirl and Ivy
Scene 16 - Jail Escape
Catwoman - [running up]
It's the Batmobile. I know he's here.
Duo: Dude! As if to add insult to injury! Not only did they arrest him, they impounded his car!
[sees him and whispers] Batman. [grab's the prison bars and accidentally hits her head against them
All: *snerk, mock*
Ryo: Maybe we should cast tia as Catwoman instead of Riddler.
She's got the bust and the cat-loving thing and the leather
addiction...and she'd be perfect for this scene.
Kento: Yeah, well, when you decide to tell her that, let us know
in advance. We'll want the casket prepared ahead of time.
Batman -
A little too much catnip?
Catwoman -
No time for jokes. [looks at a watch on her wrist that isn't
there] I'm here to get you out. [Sticks nails out, Batman backs
away.
Ryo: Aw, but I thought he liked it rough.
Rowen: *shakes Ryo* Snap out of it! You're starting to catch the
hentai!
Ryo: What does THAT look like?
Rowen: Slimy and green.
She sticks nail into lock and picks it, they exit in the Batmobile.]
Scene 17 - Back to the Bat Cave!
Ivy is lying dead. Batgirl is hovering over her.
Rowen: *as Batgirl* I can FLY!
Kento: Well, for you, it's more like low earth orbit.
Catwoman and Batman run up.
Batman and Catwoman -
What happened?
Kento: Aww...Arty's lack of spellcheck has failed me! I was so
looking forward to an All Your Base reference.
Ryo: So, do you want to be buried, or cremated?
Batgirl -
Sorry, I had same weeding to do.
Catwoman -
More drugs?
Batgirl -
Naw.
Batman -
Now we have to stop the Riddler from tarnishing my good name…
Ryo: Too late! Ha ha! Winner is not you!
my good, noble, heroic, splendid…name that strikes fear into…
Batgirl and Catwoman -
You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you. [Walk
off singing]
Nico/Ki-chan: Don't you? Don't you?
Duo: Girls...
Batman - [exasperated]
Superheroines.
Duo: Dude! *high five*
Nico: Duo.... *WHAM*
Duo: It was fun while it lasted... x_X *falls over*
Tentacle Monster: *drags Duo under the couch*
Ki-chan: KYAAAAA! Oh, wait, I'm safe.
Nico: You're safe! What about Duo?!
Tentacle Monster: *tosses Duo back out, hisses* Thisssss isssss
no woman!
Nico: Mm-hmm, got that right!
Ki-chan: *slaps forehead*
But where's the Riddler?
Catwoman -
Well, I've been getting a few riddles from him that I can't
figure out.
Ryo: See, I'm telling you tia would be perfect.
Kento: You don't want a long lifespan, do you?
Maybe you can.
Ki-chan: Please, he's not any brighter.
Batman -
Hand them over.
Catwoman - [bends over]
Come and get 'em.
Nico: Pass!
Duo: *debates the pleasure of jumping in with the extreme pain of
being beaten again*
Batman - [signs and takes them,
Ki-chan: What kind of sign?
Kento: I vote for yield.
he reads them to himself but aloud.]
Riddlers =
1. If it's not to the left, what is left?
a. Right
2. J. Lo's got it going on. But most can't measure up to her ton.
a. Behind
3. With the freaks in the Bat Cave there is an uninvited guest.
He can see everything except YOUr hairy chest.
a. You
Rowen: Awww, she gave us the answers! I wanted to solve them
myself. *sulk*
Ryo: *patpat* Don't worry, they weren't that hard.
Catwoman -
I don't get it, I just don't get it! What could they mean?
Batman -
Look at "you".
Catwoman -
What about me? Do I have something in my teeth?
Mouse: Let me out, let me out!
All: o_0
Batman -
No, not you. The YOU! Well, let's see. In the first riddle the
answer is Right; the second riddle is Behind. The last is…[under
his breath] Y O U?
Everyone -
Right behind you?
All: *applause* You figured it out. We're so glad.
Peasants: Bah!
They all look behind them. Riddler comes out from
Ryo: ...the closet.
Duo: Don't blame him, after Robin's room.
Kento: *shudders again*
behind something.
Riddler -
Riddle me this, riddle me that, will I be the one to stop the big
black bat? I'll give your febble minds a rest
Washu: I'd like to see a febble mind. I'm not sure what it is,
but I'm sure I could have fun probing it.
Ki-chan: *facepalm*
and tell you…[there is a stereo right next to him, he turns it on and N'SYNC's "It's Gonna Be Me" plays] It's gonna be me! [laughs]
Nico: See? Even the villian agrees with me. N'sync is better.
Ki-chan: I wouldn't want a villian this lame agreeing with me,
hon.
Right scene:
Washu: There was a wrong one?
Rowen: Yeah, it was called 'this entire thing'.
Batman kills Riddler.
Riddler - [On the floor dieing]
Riddle me this, riddle me that, to hell I go, but will I be back?
[laughs and dies]
Ryo: Why not? We could always have the Return of the Return.
Rowen: And its sequel, the Return of the Return of the Return.
Ryo: And then its sequel, the--
Ki-chan: Don't make me hit you two.
Batgirl and Catwoman run to hug Batman. Catwoman pulls Batman aside.
Catwoman -
Batman, after all I've done for you don't you think I deserve a
reward?
Talpa-chan: She wants sex.
Nico: Actually, I think you're right.
Talpa-chan: Ha! I'm *right*!
We've been through it all together…we even know each other's true identities.
Batman -
Sorry, I can't, I just can't.
Ki-chan: Aw man, I bet he's gay too.
Nico: I know, it happens with all the good guys.
Duo: ...hey! What about me?
Nico: What about you, Mr. Chases Anything With Breasts?
Duo: ... >_>;
Catwoman - [close up on face]
I…I got him out of jail, I gave him the riddles, what more?
What more? [whispers more and more to herself then screams]
Talpa-chan: *looks up* Torture?
Scene 18 - Last scene, the Asylum
Alfred and Batgirl visit Catwoman. Alfred waits outside.
Batgirl - [seriously]
Celina, Celine? [no answer at first]
Nico: Shh, not so loud! Someone might hear you! *glances
nervously towards the door*
Duo: We've made it this far without discovery, we can survive the
last scene.
Catwoman -
Yes?
Batgirl -
Celina, I need you to tell me something.
Catwoman -
Only if you say please!
Ryo: I'm telling you, tia has got to be the inspiration for
this Catwoman. There's just too many coincidences. The leather,
the cats, the crazy, the gay, the annoying...
Kento: *to Rowen* On second thought, cancel the casket. There's
not going to be enough left of him to fill one.
Batgirl -
Tell me, who is gay?
Catwoman - [jumping out of the shadows]
I AM GAY!
Ryo/Rowen: WHOO!
Nico: Come to think of it, have we had one person in this story
that hasn't been suspected of being gay?
Batgirl - [leaves and returns to Alfred outside]
Your secret is safe. She says she's gay.
Alfred -
Gay? Is that a technical term?
Washu: Slang, actually.
Batgirl -
No… [moving closer] It's homosexual.
They share a laugh.
Ryo: ...why? It wasn't that funny.
Ki-chan: Wasn't enough laugh to go around, I guess.
END MOVIE
Kento: YAY! We survived through the whole thing! And better
yet, tia didn't find us!
Washu: Now all we have to do is destroy all evidence.
Duo: *peeks out door* Panic, panic! Short girl incoming!
Ki-chan: *shoves the MST under the couch* Hold this for a moment.
Tentacle monster: *grabs the MST...and Ki-chan*
Ki-chan: YAAAAAAAAH! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!
Kento: Ki-chan, keep it down, she's coming in!
tiakall: *enters* What are you guys doing?
Nico: *uneasy smile* Just playing with the baby.
Megumi: Wai! ^_^
tiakall: ...in the MSTing room?
*muffled explosion sounds from under the couch, and a few wisps
of smoke emanate from the underside*
tiakall: *blink*
Washu: *merrily* Ah, good, looks like that infestation problem's
fixed.
tiakall: ...This is one of those things I'll regret asking about,
isn't it?
All: *nodnod*
tiakall: Ooookay. Walking away now. *leaves*
Ki-chan: *emerges from underneath the couch, a little singed, and
addresses the tentacle monster* Keep that up, asshole, and the
fic characters aren't going to be the only ones turning gay. -_-;
Washu: You have the MST?
Ki-chan: *tosses it to her* Still in one piece, amazingly.
Washu: Good. Now all we have to do is destroy all evidence...and
publish this on the web.