Dark Mewtwo
Written by takashi58, MSTed by "Oh god, why us?!"
Riikii: La la la~ *reading random topics on GameFAQs* OH GOD THE
BURNING IN MY RETINAS IT WILL NOT STOP
tiakall: And that's how today's victim got chosen. Any questions?
a fanfic by takashi58 simply called:
Riikii: Crap! :D
tiakall: The latest development in psychological warfare against
terrorists!
Duo: *reads ahead* A bunch of tildes and an underscore!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~_~~~~~~~
I) /-\ i^ I{ |\/| [- \/\/ I \/\/ (0)
Washu: Ah HA! I was wondering where I had lost that line of
code.
Riikii: What's it do?
Washu: Clips my toenails.
Riikii: ....
[Dark mewtwo]
Sai: Followed by its sequel, Simple Plan Mewtwo!
tiakall: I prefer Shadowy-But-Not-Quite-Dark Mewtwo, myself.
Riikii: If this has Mewtwo angst, I'm so cutting my wrists.
tiakall: Remember to slice down this time, not across.
Chapter one: before Dark mewtwo
tiakall: So, if I kill the fic now, it'll be like it never
existed!
Riikii: ...you can't kill a fic.
tiakall: How about the author?
location:past,
Sai: Right off Historic Route 66!
Duo: THEY HAVE FJORDS
after original mewtwo escapes(first pokemon movie)at the exact lab mewtwo was cloned from mew in.
Riikii: You mean that lab that no one remembers because Mewtwo
killed everyone in it?
Sai: Then how do you explain that Mewtwo Returns movie?
Riikii: ...Fuck, I hate Pokemon canon.
"Hey boss come here!"said a Team Rocket grunt
Washu: The punctuation's not gone, it's just so small you
can't see it.
tiakall: WE DON'T NEED NO...EDUCATION
Sai: Is he gonna be beheaded? I've seen grunts die for less!
"What is it
Riikii: Somehow, I have a feeling we're going to be asking that this entire fic....
you slacker?"replied a mysterious Rocket comander.
Duo: So mysterious, we don't know his name or what he looks
like.
Sai: How do we know he's a commander?
Washu: Psychic readers.
"Its Mewtwos
tiakall: So now there's two of them, and some it is claiming
them?
Riikii: Haha, apostrophes.
Washu: I'll claim them!
Riikii: Like HELL you will, woman! Mewtwo is enough of a plot
device, I'm not having two bad fanfic Mewtwos in this house!
DNA!!!"
Washu: Damn. Knew I shouldn't have left that jar out.
Riikii: So this is YOUR fault?
Washu: ...maybe?
Riikii: *turns tia toward Washu, hands over sword* Stab at will.
tiakall: :D *proceeds to do so*
said the Rocket grunt excidetly.
Riikii: I'll just pretend I made some joke about how that's
not a word at all, because honestly, there's not much else you
can do with it.
tiakall: *pats?* Don't worry, there's plenty of other spelling
mistakes to mock.
"You can't be..."
Sai: An apostrophe? OH MY GOD
"I'm sure of it."
Riikii: I'm positive.
tiakall: Only fools are positive.
Riikii: Are you sure?
tiakall: ... *stabs* That movie's, what, ten years old?
Riikii: AUGH *bleeds*
"You anyalized-"
Duo: *as grunt* No, how the hell do I anyalize something?
Washu: PLEASE. As if a grunt could do scientific analysis.
Sai: NOW can we behead him? :D
tiakall: Dude, I totally like you now.
Sai: *scoots away hurriedly*
"Yup."
"You know what this means don't you?!?"
Duo: We just hit a plot device?
Sai: And no one cared?
Riikii: Shouldn't the peasants be doing something around now?
Peasants: *having a Netbattle tournament*
Riikii: D: Nobody invited me!
said the commander franticly
Sai: I think so, Brain, but burlap chafes me so.
"Yeah big pay from the boss to us!!!"
Riikii: Sounds like a plan to me!
Duo: And we all lived happily ever after!
"No you dingbat!
Riikii: No money? D: But Riikii needs money! Money is the method by which I gain acquisition of many crucial things which I require to LIVE
We could clone it
Washu: HAHAHA. These Neanderthals amuse me.
Sai: Because apparently some people never learn from their
mistakes.
Riikii: Mistakes which NO ONE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT
darken its soul with one of our P.S.D.M's(Poke'mon Soul Darkener Machine)
tiakall: And now we know where emo teenagers come from!
Washu: *heads for the fic with a meat cleaver* THIS IS NOT
SCIENCE
and then take over Team Rocket..."
Riikii: Someone actually wants it? Cause you gotta admit,
aside from manga Giovanni, they're not really badass.
tiakall: *hands over Jesse, James and Meowth* There you guys are,
have fun :D
said the commander in a harsh voice.
Duo: And the reason this grunt doesn't just rat you out to
Giovanni for a bigger raise is....?
Sai: He's stupid?
"But boss!Remember what happened to the original Mewtwo?
Riikii: No. None of you do. SHUT UP, I'LL KILL YOU ALL
It took and evil offset
Duo: Which, apparently is completely different from having
one's soul darkened.
Riikii: He's not evil, just MISUNDERSTOOD *is shot* Yay, a new
variety of injury! *falls over*
and if it weren't for that Ash guy-"
Riikii: What Ash guy? You mean the one YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT?
"Silence...You know we have armor that will control him."
Sai: Because we all know how well that worked the last time.
Riikii: NO, WE DON'T *stabs*
Sai: *stabbed* Eh, the mountain-dropping phase was worse.
"Sir......."
Riikii: *as commander* It's ma'am, you louse. Also, damn, these uniforms are tight. x_x Now I know why Jesse had a big ol' slice up the middle of hers.
next chapter is
Sai: Being crushed under a mountain?
Duo: Being thrown out the window?
tiakall: Being stabbed?
Dark cloud-
Washu: You mean those things called thunderclouds?
Rise of Mewtwo. it takes place in the present time where our hero, Ruiki(Roo-e-kee)
Riikii: ....
tiakall: Apparently Pokemon fans all have a few brain cells in
common.
Riikii: DEATH TO HIM
Sai: C'mon, Riikii, what's a few brain cells? Think of the needy!
is looking for rare poke'mon in the exact cave dark mewtwo is in
Duo: Of course. In bad fanfic, the only plot device is the
horribly obvious one.
Washu: *attempts to lure Mewtwo to her lab* Why have a cave with
idiotic preteens running around? I'll give you a condo!
DARK CLOUD
Riikii: Mewtwo! Use Smokescreen, now!
Washu: ...if you're going to hack a moveset, at least make it not
suck.
Riikii: I *dare* you to make a moveset that sucks more than this
fic.
-- RISE OF MEWTWO
(sorry for taking so long had to go somewheres.)
Peasants: *up to semifinals*
(btw for people who dont know this is in hoenn)
Sai: Gee, maybe we would have known if someone had told us
before now?
Duo: Narrating? What's THAT?
"All of the poke'balls
Sai: And he's got big balls, and she's got big balls, but WE'VE GOT THE BI-- *is shot*
I need?Check!My trusty team of poke'mon?Check!
Riikii: Seriously, he could have just called him Ash instead
of swinging perilously close to my name.
Duo: What does this guy have in common with Ash?
Riikii: Provoking the same gag reflex.
Healing items?Check!Okay I think im
Sai: Which one, AIM or Yahoo?
Riikii: ....
Sai: You prefer the regular 'All Your Base' joke? C'mon, mix it
up a little.
set to go investigate this cave."
*stares into the dark damp entrance*
Duo: As opposed to the light dry exit.
"Go Sparkey!(ruiki's Manctric)
tiakall: Oh, gee! An electric type named 'Sparkey'! NEW AND
ORIGINAL
Riikii: The guy can't even spell, you expected him to be able to
nickname?
tiakall: Well, what would you have nicknamed it?
Riikii: Ugly?
Sparkey use Flash now!"
Riikii: Well, not like Manectric has much other use.
Peasants: *send Riikii to smogon*
Riikii: THAT'S NOT FUNNY
*cave brightens*
tiakall: REALLY. Here after a move called 'Flash' I was
expecting it to go dark.
Riikii: And I was expecting a little fanservice. I'm kind of
disappointed.
After two hours and forty-five minutes
Washu: And thirty nine seconds!
Riikii: And really, nobody cares.
Duo: Oh my god, you mean we have to sit through almost three
hours of this shit?! I'm outta here!
his mom gives ruiki a call on his poke'nav
Riikii: *as Mom* Now son, are you wearing clean underwear?
Sai: *as Ruiki* Not now, Mom, I'm about to hit a plot device!
Riikii: ... *flings a Mr. Mime at Sai* Don't talk to your mother
like that.
*Bring Bring........
Duo: What all the Japanese rappers like to frash!
Bring Bring..........*
Riikii: Oh bring back my bonnie to me, to me?
"Hello?"
mumble mumble blah blah
Riikii: Best dialogue ever.
tiakall: Remarkably similar to the eerily hollow echoes of the
author's skull....
"I didn't here it
Sai: Did you there it?
Riikii: Or maybe over yonder it?
tiakall: That is so wonderfully redneck of you, Riikii.
Riikii: Don't make me beat you with a y'all.
me and Ruby(Blaziken)
Washu: Ruby and I.
tiakall: Seriously, that should be the least of your grammatical
worries.
were trying to catch a Kadabra."
yada yada bluh bluh
Riikii: There you have it, a summary of the entire fic.
tiakall: I'm bored now. Can I kill something?
"I know
Washu: Nothing.
Sai: Everything.
Riikii: Differential equations.
Washu: HA
Sai: Are you laughing at the Ash-wannabe knowing differential
equations, or at Riikii knowing them?
Washu: Both, really.
Riikii: I don't need calculus to be able to choke a bitch...
fighting isn't good against Psychic
Riikii: That too, I doubt he knew.
tiakall: Braniacs are stronger than brawlers? LIES
Washu: Yes, I would expect you would think that -_-
Riikii: *to tia* You haven't looked at pokemon logic yet, have
you?
I was trying to weaken it to catch it."
Riikii: Y halo thar sleep moves!
yell yell scream screech!
Riikii: RUIKI's defense sharply fell!
Duo: Gee, I wonder what's going on?
Sai: The peasants are slacking again.
Peasant: *uses OHKO move and Double Team. Is beaten to death by
the other peasants.*
tiakall: Uh, wow. I have no idea what this Netbattle thing is,
but now you have my complete attention. Do that again!
"I'll be
Sai: *as Ruikii* Stupid!
careful stop worrying...
Duo: Why be careful, I have the plot device on my side!
Bye mom."
*click!*
Duo: Narration. Heard of it?
Riikii: At least he hasn't tried *holster!* yet.
"Time for a rest...Go!Saphire!Ruby!Emerald!
Sai: Where's Firered and Leafgreen?
Riikii: This reminds me of the "what's the best nickname?"
thread guy who named his Castform Castor.
Amythest!Granite!"Sparkey!
tiakall: The pokemon who is so unimportant, it's left out of the quotation marks!
(in order of the poke'mon
Riikii: Seriously. If you can't be arsed to find the é, don't
bother.
tiakall: You talk like he has a grasp of grammar in the first
place.
Riikii: It's the internet, there's no grammar here.
you haven't heard yet,Swampert,Sceptile,Gardevoir,Aggron)
Riikii: Aggron? AGGRON? Why don't you just get a Golem and save yourself the pwning?
*suddenly
Duo: The fic died.
Sai: Or we did.
Duo: It's just that bad.
a mass of energy in sphere form of dark energy
Riikii: When you've got redundancy out the wazoo, and you don't know what to do, who you gonna call? CAPTAIN REPETITION~
whizzes by ruiki's head*
Washu: You MISSED? That does it, no condo for you!
"what the-"
Sai: *as Ruiki* Were you using CAPITAL LETTERS? *fear!*
Chapter 3 - Dark mewtwos wrath-a painful souls bain ballad.
Riikii: There is nothing I can say about that to make it worse. Seriously.
chapter 3(I renamed it )
Duo: Oh thank some random supernatural being.
Riikii: It didn't get much better, trust me.
shadow's of souls
Sai: The cheese stands alone, the cheese stands alone....
"kneal human."
Duo: *googles* He works for an information technology company?
Sai: Google can solve bad spelling? Wow, now it can do anything.
"Where are you?Show yourself!If you wanna battle, don't use cheap tricks!"
Riikii: HAX BAN
tiakall: *trying to learn how to Netbattle* What the hell's a
'Boah'?
"I want far from a battle.
Riikii: It's my ritual attack before a tea party invite.
Human speciman what's your name?"
Washu: *sticks Ruiki in a test tube*
tiakall: *eyes test tube. Shakes it.*
"First tell me your-owww!!Headache......"
Duo: Look, the main character is channelling the readers!
"My psychic powers shouldn't hurt that bad.
Riikii: *as emo Mewtwo* I'm not EV trained!
Now tell me your name insolent worm."
tiakall: Actually, I like that name for him just fine!
"Ru....ik....ii....."
"Ruikii, you have disturbed me enough
Sai: He's disturbed us more!
to be angry but not enough to destroy you.
Washu: Bad, bad, unintelligent Mewtwo!
Riikii: You expected more from a Linkin Park Mewtwo?
Duo: Make up your mind, which angry teenage band is he?
Riikii: Whichever one sucks more.
Thank you for being a good speciman but I warn you, leave
now or rest with the corpses of your pathetic poke'mon."
"Shut up I'll take you!
Riikii: Hawt hawt dumb hero on angsty Mewtwo action!
Sai: Great, now I know what Serebii's next hacked redirect is
going to be.
Just show yourself!"
*Mewtwo steps foreward from a shade portal just like Kingdom
hearts movie deep dive*
Riikii: I made fun of this passage just like something witty that fanboys flock to.
"Your a...a..."
Duo: *tries to finish the sentence* Abdomen? It's ...green!
Riikii: OMG SHINY
tiakall: *puts Hyper Beam on her Mewtwo* Not really sure what it
does, but it sounds pretty cool....
Peasants: *snicker*
"Poke'mon?Yes and i'm not really speaking to you directly, i'm talking to you telepathicly."
Sai: *as Mewtwo* I also happen to be a master of the obvious!
Riikii: *as Ruikii* Wow, I didn't realize that voice was INSIDE
my head!
tiakall: Riikii, yours usually ARE inside your head.
Riikii: Shut up, you happen to be one of them.
*Ruikii uses his poke'dex*
"No data on this poke'mon"
Duo: Gotta catch it first, dope.
"No data?What?"said ruikii
Duo: You're kinda new at this Pokemon thing, aren't you?
Riikii: You mean like her? *points to Tia*
tiakall: *still team building* This Trapinch thing looks pretty
cool. *adds it*
Riikii: tia dear, whatever look you were going for, you failed.
"Alas, I am doomed to walk this cave until the ends of time, whilest having the most knoweledge in the world, and yet my knoweledge is but a campfires light in the dim forest called the Earth."
Riikii: The fact that it's an emo mewtwo kind of spoils its
attempt at sounding intellectual.
Sai: In the same way the author's keyboarding skills spoil his
attempt at sounding intellectual?
"I'm..sorry..."
Riikii: Hey, at least someone's apologizing to us readers,
even if it took three chapters to do it.
Duo: The author seriously thinks this is enjoyable?
Riikii: Who knows?
chapter 4 on its way later
Sai: So by later he means not now which means we can go now?
Riikii: Nope, snagged it too. This one's even better.
Sai: *attempts to squish himself under his Gundam's foot*
Chapter Four, Dark Mewtwo VS. Amythest
tiakall: *looks up from making all her pokemon shiny* PLEASE tell me someone dies in this chapter, or this will be an even bigger waste of time than normal.
Picking up from last chapter....(some people might need to go back and read)
"I don't need your pity, human."said Mewtwo
Riikii: Right, cause the emo lines weren't a blatant pity party, just testing out new lines of your poetry.
"Fine I've decided then."replied Ruikii
"Decided what?You will get your annoying mouth out of my
kingdom?."
Sai: Oh, my, no....
Washu: On second thought, I don't really want this Mewtwo. He's
kind of pathetic.
Riikii: 'Kind of'?
"No way! And im not that annoying...
Cast: *laughs*
Peasants: *also laugh*
Entire population of Minnesota: *also laughs*
Riikii: Okay, it wasn't that funny.
Entire population of Minnesota: *shuts up*
Anyways I wanna battle you!"
"Say again? I don't listen to foolishness."
Riikii: Captain Repetition, your services are needed!
"Me *points to self*
Duo: *as Ruiki* Me Tarzan, you Jane.
Riikii: Me Jane, you moron.
battle *throws a couple of punches*
Sai: They hit the far wall with a loud splat.
you."*points to Mewtwo*
"Thats what I thought." *charges a dark energy blast*
"Go! Amythest!" *releases his Gardevoir*
Duo: This is going to be a stupid battle, isn't it?
Riikii: Probably. Wanna watch tia attempt to Netbattle instead?
tiakall: *putting Blizzard on a Sneasel*
Riikii: Wow. It's sort of like watching a dumber Pikablu.
*Mewtwo fires the blast and Amythest use psychic.The two blasts cancel each other out
Washu: Sure. Countering an attack with an attack that type's
immune to is possibly the best strategy ever. Just like
countering Earthquake with Thunder.
Riikii: AIM FOR THE HORN, PIKACHU
and Mewtwo fades out of existance.*
Riikii: In honor of his memory, we now weep black emo tears.
Peasants: *eagerly awaiting tia on Netbattle*
"Coward! Show yourself!."
"Very well...sheild breaker!"
Sai: Shield, damnit.
Washu: Does that attack even exis--
Riikii: No. The less you think during this, the better.
Washu: But I like thinking! It's what I'm good at!
*Mewtwo comes back and is surrounded by dark energy and
charges Amythest head on*
"Amythest! No...Your gonna pay for that!
Duo: Don't forget to tip.
Amythest, get up! Use teleport when he gets close to you!"said ruikii.
Peasants: *while waiting* RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
Riikii: Sure, why not? We already know its moves are hacked.
"had enough?"inquired Mewtwo.
Riikii: YES GOD YES STOP MAKING OUR EYES BLEED ALREADY
Washu: *takes away Riikii's capslock* You're not helping.
Riikii: ...damnit.
"Enough?This is just getting started! You just see what my Amythest can do!
Sai: You mean what your Gameshark can do?
Riikii: Dude, nobody uses Gameshark. Action Replay, you dunce.
Amythest Psy sheild now! Ram him!"
*Mewtwo uses his sheild breaker again, and they meet in mid air,
ramming each other head on.The energy around them break like
Duo: Our brains.
Riikii: *busy watching tia get her ass kicked on Netbattle* So
much more entertaining.
tiakall: This isn't fair! Are they cheating?
glass, and they teleport to the ground in mid air*
"Amythest, warp beam!"
Sai: Amythest! Use another move that doesn't exist!
"hurumpph..."
*Mewtwo shoots a beam out of his finger and the to beams meet and
struggle for power.
Duo: As opposed to the fro beams?
Riikii: This is dumb, AND boring. Worst Mewtwo ever.
Eventully, Mewtwo wins the struggle, but Amythest teleports right when it is about to hit*
Riikii: Of course. It just wouldn't be badfic if the Gardevoir
didn't get smeared by an uber like it properly should be.
tiakall: Oh, fuck this netbattle thing. *gets out swords and goes
to stab peasants* I prefer my way of doing it.
Riikii: And there's the tia we all know and love. *is stabbed on
her way out*
"Your Gardevoir is well trained.Perhaps, you are a good trainer."
Washu: Summary for this chapter: Mewtwo is pathetic. Gardevoir is hacked. Mewtwo congratulates hacked Gardy for not being as pathetic. The author's e-penis swells.
"I'll take that as a compliment."
Riikii: Self-flattery will get you nowhere.
chapter 5 later
Duo: If this later isn't the real later, I'm rioting.
Riikii: Actually, the thread got purged before I saved anymore,
so you're dismissed. For now.
Duo: ... *goes to light author on fire in hopes of preventing the
later chapters from ever reemerging*