Fuunsaiki gets drunk
Written by enukid, MSTed by Tia "I refuse to take credit for
this!" Kalla, aka tiakall/Riikii, and posse
Sai: How'd you manage to find another one already? We haven't
finished the last one yet.
Riikii: Toonami-aired anime fics are like rubber bands in a post
office...they spawn when you aren't looking.
Duo: o.O *looks around the room suspiciously for rubber bands*
Sai: This another yaoi fic by any chance? *snickers, then gulps
as a foil tickles his throat*
George de Sand: *not amused* Want to say that again, whelp?
Sai: Eheheh...
Riikii: Nope, Sai. This is about the horse. Read the title.
Sai: *does so* ....
Fuunsaiki headed to the Pub.
Duo: ...So, a horse walks into the bar and the bartender says,
"What's with the long face?"
Riikii: ... *drops a mountain on Duo*
Duo: *twitch*
Washu: Why's the horse going into the bar? Horses don't get drunk.
Riikii: Not as if bars admit horses anyway... *blinks* ...Hey,
what are you doing here? ¬.¬
Washu: I came to register a complaint. *drops Fred onto the floor*
Fred: Oww...
Riikii: Dare I ask?
Washu: *annoyed* He was hitting on Zarbie.
Riikii: ...
Fred: But he's so cute!
Riikii: Fred, hon, Zarbie has the mentality of a five year old.
Sai: Yeah, and you know all men under the age of twelve are
Riikii's exclusive territory.
Fred: *blinks*
Riikii: ¬.¬
He had just finished a fighting match
Sai: But he says later that he never gets to fight.
Riikii: *whaps him* Stop reading ahead!
Sai: Oww! George made me do it! *hides behind Riikii*
Riikii: ...
George de Sand: ...
Sai: No, not THAT George...Freaky George!
George: ^_^ I see I was missed!
Riikii: AHH! Kill it!
George de Sand: *looks George up and down* ...
George: *looks George de Sand up and down* ...
Duo: Well, this is going well...
this afternoon and was free the entire evening. "Just come home before the match tomorrow noon," Master Asia had said.
Riikii: Glad Master's too old to have kids, I wouldn't want
him a parent. What kind of curfew is that?
Sai: Dude, sign me up for the Tohofuhai School of Martial Arts!
Those stuffy old monks never let me go anywhere.
Riikii: *gives him a look* Since you're staying here, it's not
like you live with them anymore....no, you'd rather go run the
very loud motorboat on the lake at four AM...
Sai: Cecil likes your Muteo. Isn't that cute? ^_^
Riikii: When sleep deprivation forces me to kill you, your ghost
better not come whining to me.
Fuunsaiki grinned, showing his yellow chops. "Fuhai-san's always so lenient- he treats his horse better than his pupil."
Duo: Better than his pupil? Hell, the horse IS his first pupil!
Riikii: Go Domon W!
Of course, to everyone around him, this translated as "Ni hi hi, Nee hi hi hi.",
Sai: Ooh ee, ooh ah ah, ting tang walla-walla bing bang...
Riikii: Doo-wop, ba ba woo-wop, doobie da da...
Duo: Kumalatta, kumalatta, kumalatta vista...
George/George de Sand: *still having a staredown*
but you and I know what he's saying.
Duo: I do? I'm not fluent in Horse.
Riikii: The author isn't fluent in English.
Fuunsaiki shouldered through the pub's doors, ripping of the wooden frame.
Duo: Makes the whole 'walk into a bar' quite literal.
Washu: Now what did that frame ever do to him, I wanna know.
Fred: He? Is he cute?
Riikii: Good grief, Fred, he's a HORSE! Haven't you been paying
attention?!
Fred: I got kinda distracted watching the cute French guy...
George de Sand: ... >_<
Mobile fighting horses didn't care. They were above the general population.
Riikii: Such arrogance!
George: *glomps George de Sand while he's distracted by Fred* ^_^
You're so cute!
Riikii: Oh, that can't be good.
George de Sand: *lets out a stream of irate French and lets
George have it*
Sai: Oh! Ow! I didn't know your back could bend THAT way!
Duo: Or that a guy could scream that high...
Washu: *munches popcorn* It's all in the way you twist his bones.
Riikii: Give it to the freaky guy, Geo! Show 'em what for!
Fred: *backs away nervously* I don't think he's cute anymore. I'm
scared. Someone hold me?
Duo/Sai: No.
He whinnied at the barkeep. "The usual?", he laughed and filled a tin bucket to the brim with Jack Daniels.
Washu: Pearls before swine.
Riikii: And you know this how?
Washu: Extensive analysis. *holds up a test tube*
Riikii: As long as that 'extensive analysis' doesn't include
hands-on tasting...Both you and Talpa-chan are underage here, and
I most certainly do not want the two of you getting tipsy and
adding to the posse.
Washu: Goddamn it, we're BUSINESS PARTNERS! BUSINESS! AS IN NOT
PLEASURE! B-U-S-I-N-E-S-S!!!!
Posse: *backs away from Washu*
Good old Jack Daniels. You taste like soap, Jack,
Riikii: Apparently he washes.
Sai: But doesn't rinse.
but you sure get a guy drunk!
Washu: You're a horse, not a guy.
You don't know this, but Fuunsaiki is a raging alcoholic.
All: Suuuuuuure. We believe you!
Sai: *sings* Washu and Talpa-chan, sitting in a tree...K-I-S--
Washu: *picks up the mountain and drops it on Sai*
Sai: ....ouchies!
He'll down bucket after bucket until
Riikii: He dies of alcohol poisoning.
Washu: He's a horse. He can't get drunk.
his knees buckle and they carried him out. Or at least if they could carry him out, he was really heavy.
Duo: Naw, ya think? He's just a widdle pony!
A black-haired girl sat down in a seat right next to Fuunsaiki. "Bacardi, please." , she said quietly. He turned
Riikii: Into a man, apparently.
Posse: *freaked out* o_o;;;
to look at Fuunsaiki. "Hey handsome," she said seductively.
Riikii: GAH! Thou shalt NOT have sex with animals!
Posse: *even more freaked out* O_O;;;
Sai: And the Disturb-O-Meter goes skyrocketing...
Psycho Cheetah: >_> Give that back.
"Ni hi hi hi harrumph."
Duo: So do I get to do the witch doctor impression again?
said Fuunsaiki, which translated "get away you monkey- beast."
Riikii: Eh, the same to you, you ungulate.
Sai: And how many people are going to know what that is, anyway?
Riikii: >_> Aren't you under a mountain?
Sai: Sai go squish now. *crawls back under*
"You're so cute," she whispered, fingering his forelock of hair.
Riikii: Aren't there laws against this?
Duo: Just think of what the children will look like....
Riikii: *SCREAMS*
Sai: Centaurs! ^_^
He snorted once, then continued gulping down his drink. Then he grunted for another bucket. "Wow," she giggled. "You can take whiskey like a horse."
All: *fall over*
Riikii: My head hurts now.
He didn't even look in her direction, but downed the entire bucket and asked for another. "Oh, shit." She said. "You're going to die or something."
George de Sand: *throwing something out the door* We can hope.
Riikii: You'd better clean that up when we're done. I don't like
guts seeping into the carpet.
"I'm a horse, you stupid bitch, CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT?"
Riikii: Coulda fooled me.
Duo: *falls over*
Riikii: Someone's sarcasm meter is broken...
Washu: Yes, apparently he's a horse but can drink like a human,
just in excessive quantities. Hm, this gives me some gene
splicing experiment ideas...
Riikii: Washu, whatever the hell you're thinking, NO.
he neighed angrily. The little asshole was not leaving.
George de Sand: *checks out the door* Yep, still there. Don't
worry, I put a tarp under him to catch the bodily fluids.
Riikii: Good boy.
After five buckets, Fuunsaiki's legs where
Sai: o.O Hopefully attached to his body.
wobbling. His eyes looked all cloudy.
Duo: And today's forecast in Fuunsaiki's eyes, 40% cloudy with
a chance of extreme stupidity.
Riikii: 'Chance' of extreme stupidity?
"Damn, you know what, my life really sucks."
Teenager: No, MINE sucks!
Riikii: o.O
He said in an intoxicated voice. "All I do is*burp*
Sai: If I'm feeling REALLY good, sometimes I fart, too.
Riikii: ...
George de Sand: Shall I?
Riikii: Please.
George de Sand: *drops the mountain back on Sai*
Sai: Again with the ouchies!
Duo: Ha! I've been squashed less than you!
Riikii: I wouldn't push it.
get in a big.wossname.gundam...
Riikii: You know, I realize the horse is drunk, but we could
get a bit more coherency...
Duo: Maybe the author is drunk.
Riikii: ...hmmm...
I-I don't fight though."
Washu: Basically because a horse doing martial arts or any
type of fighting is not only impossible, but downright strange to
imagine?
Riikii: G Gundam may push the suspension of reality, and Fooney
might be a smart horse, but let's just not GO there.
He giggled.
Fred: Why? This is hardly funny? There aren't any cute guys
and now I'm bored.
Riikii: You can leave...
George de Sand: Can we?
Riikii: Sorry, hon.
"Master ASIA does all the fighting.
Sai: Hey!
George de Sand: Ahem.
Riikii: I think the Gundam Fighters are a bit miffed at being
forgotten...
Sai: It's not all about the Undefeated of the East, yanno.
'cuz stupid fucker Master ASIA is master!
Washu: Language, language...
Riikii: Obscene language is inversely proportional to actual
intelligence.
Duo: This from the person who can cuss like a trucker...
Riikii: >_> *drops the mountain on Duo*
Sai: Now we're even.
Well, master this. you.agh , dammit, wotwuz I saying?"
George de Sand: Nothing of actual importance or intelligence. Go back to being comatose.
He turned his equine head to the girl. "And you.you're a smart bitch.
Washu: So now she's a female dog?
Sai: That gives us girl dog trying to get in the sack with male
horse....
Riikii: *SCREAMS some more*
Duo: Give a whole new meaning to 'riding the horse'...
Riikii: *SCREAMS yet again*
what are you doing in a place like this?"
George de Sand: I wonder that myself. *looks at Riikii*
Riikii: *whistles innocently*
"Well, you see," said the woman, "I'm Master Asia in disguise!"
Washu: Oh YUCK!
Riikii: *yep, you guessed it... SCREAMS*
Sai: x_X I'm gonna hurl.
George de Sand: Go do it on the tarp outside.
Sai: *runs out, takes one look and comes back in looking green*
I'm REALLY gonna throw up now!
Washu: You know, I could deal with the chick sleeping with a
horse...but an old man sleeping with his horse?
Riikii: *makes motions to gouge eyes out*
he ripped off the rubber mask.
Riikii: Jinkies! It's really Master Asia!
Sai: *as Master Asia* And I would've gotten away with it too if
it hadn't been for you meddling kids!
Riikii: *blinks* Did I just say 'jinkies'? I scare myself.
Fuunsaiki screamed in surprise. "Who's the bitch now, horsey?
Washu: *as Master Asia* ME, baby! Me! Make me your lover!
Riikii: *goes to scream, then just slams the mountain down on
Washu instead*
Sai: Wow. That one puts her even with us now...
What'd you say I was? A stupid ..what? Remind me!"
Riikii: What, the old man gone senile already?
Fuunsaiki ran out the door, screaming, all the way back to his condo in the stadium.
Sai: ...explain to me why the horse has a condo, again?
Duo: Bah. Master Asia spoiled his animals...now they think
stables are above them.
Master Asia laughed ripping off the rubber mask.
Riikii: Jinkies! The mailman?!
Sai: And I would've gotten away with it too...
For in reality, he was.
Duo: Some deep philosophical stuff, there.
Domon!
Riikii: DOUGH-MOAN!!!!
Sai: Cecil?
"Damn, I love doing that," he said evilly.
George de Sand: You love hitting on horses? I'm telling this
to Rain.
Sai: I always wondered about aniki, there...
"Mwahahahahaha * koff koff *
Riikii: He's really Master Asia after all!
Duo: We must have another rubber mask to go.
Sai: I'm not going through that whole 'and I would've gotten away
with it too' thing again.
haha!!!!!!!!!" And that's how Domon's Horseneese dictionary
Washu: Along with his Horseelbows thesaurus.
came in handy.
Sai: I will never look at horses the same way again.
Riikii: Oh god. Tell me you're not going to hit on them too!
Posse: ...
Sai: Give me a hand here, Duo?
Duo: Sure. *helps Sai drop the mountain on Riikii*
Riikii: *twitch* when...does the hurting...STOP...
Sai: We win. ^_^