"To Master the Heart"
Written by Kristy Selean, MSTed by Riikii and co.
Riikii: Hi guys! Guess what time it is?
Cale-chan: 7:17 PM.
Nico: Time to trim our nose hairs?
Duo: Time to make celebrity lookalikes out of earwax?
Prettz-chan: Time to put the armadillos on 'spin cycle'?
Ki-chan: The same think we do every night, Riikii....
Riikii: *falls over*
Disclaimer -
Prettz-chan: No armadillos were made naseous in the making of this MST.
(the usual disclaimer)
Prettz-chan: I liked mine better.
Screams were heard as Dorothy jumped straight off of the cliff on which she was standing.
Ki-chan: I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend...
Duo: What are you waiting for? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!
"Dorothy, don't!"
Duo: No, do!! Death is always a good way to start out a fic.
Ki-chan: Are you sure this is the right fic, Riikii? It looks
like it might have potential.
Riikii: It's deceptive.
Relena was too late.
Duo: Really?
"I don't understand what could have gotten into her. Why did she do that, Heero?" "I don't know, Relena. She wasn't acting like her normal self." "She can't be that stressed out about school."
Riikii: I really dislike it when the dialogue runs together
and we can't tell who's speaking...
Duo: Oh, come on. That can't be your only gripe about the fic or
we wouldn't be MSTing it.
"I don't think that's it, Quatre." "What do you mean, Heero?" "She acted as though she were controlled by someone or something."
Riikii: o_O Heero...talks... o.o
Nico: *starry eyed* He's sooooo perspective...
Duo: But I'm cooler.
*~*
Riikii: Ooh, look at the pretty scene change.... *eyes glaze over*
"Our plan is going perfectly, Tibyokei."
Riikii: Say WHO?
Cale-chan: That's what they all say.
"Perfection is my only tool, Kasana." "Those Gundam pilots are so stubborn.
Duo: We like to call it modified obstinance.
If they won't give up to
Riikii: The wonderful wizard of
Oz,
Riikii: ^_^
then they'll just have to surrender to me." "You were with Oz?"
Riikii: Follow the yellow brick road...
Nico: Are you going to make a pun every time they say Oz?
Riikii: Most likely.
Nico: -__-
"Marimai was my cousin.
Cale-chan: Who's Marimai?
Of course, Uncle Trez
Ki-chan: You know, not every made up character has to be related to the cast...
was always a pacifist!
Duo: o_O
Ki-chan: *in Cronk voice* Riiiiiiiight...
Nico: First it's Wizard of OZ, now it's the Emperor's New Groove?
Now it's time for some real action."
Prettz-chan: WHERE?? WHERE?? Oops, must've been a false alarm.
*~*
Riikii: *tilts head* You know, if you look at it the right way, it's a face...
"It's been a month since Dorothy died."
Prettz-chan: Time flies when you're dead.
"Quatre, I know
Ki-chan: Everything!
how you feel, but you've just gotta grow out of it."
Riikii: *shrug* He's only 14, he's gotta hit his growth spurt sometime.
"That's not what I'm concerned about, Duo. Eversince
Cale-chan: That game was pretty fun.
then, a couple of classmates have been acting weird lately.
Duo: And this is................unusual?
Riikii: Let's see, we have at least three Gundam pilots, a former
queen of the world, the war-loving turned suicidal chick, and
this is normal? I'd like to see weird.
Take Heero for instance."
Ki-chan: *in Relena voice* Take me, Heero, I'm yours!
"Heero's always weird.
Duo: Hear hear.
It's hard to understand him. Anyways, they just might be shooken
Riikii: Classic English we have there.
up about the whole situation." "Hey, any word from Trowa?"
Duo: Yeah, it was something along the lines of "......."
"Trowa got injured showing off at the circus, as usual."
Duo: o_O
Riikii: What, again?
Duo: Trowa....show....off? o.o
"How bad was it?" "Beats me.
Riikii: *beats speaker* ^_____^
Rumors say he got into a coma
Cale-chan: Is that like getting into a coffin?
Riikii: ....
Cale-chan: It is a death fic, kinda...
Duo: Is it like getting into the beat? *begins dancing*
Riikii: O_O Duo...for the sake of our readers...don't do that...
Duo: -__-
from falling off a tight-rope."
Cale-chan: Trowa does a knife act, not a tightrope walk.
*~*
Riikii: It's asterisks....and a TILDE!!!
"How are they coming, Tibyokei?"
Riikii: That name again....
"So far so good, Kasana."
Cale-chan: Another overused villainous phrase.
"Excellent. Those Gundam pilots don't even have a clue."
Riikii: It was DUO in the LAKE with a SPORK!!
Cale-chan: I suppose they played Monopoly then.
*~*
Riiki: It so pretty.... *drool*
"I would like to introduce our new classmates,
Ki-chan: This line seems familiar...but I can't quite place it.
Duo: OOH! I know! I know! Pick me, pick me! It was--
Riikii: KI-CHAN in the ARENA with an AARDVARK!
Duo: ......when Heero first went to Relena's school.
Kina Chan and Shina Cho." The class applauded to welcome the arrival of the two students. Shina was a girl of computer chips.
Duo: An android chick? Is she cute?
She had short, black hair and was slightly tall.
Riikii: Tall person? *eyes glow red* SHI-NE!
She was one year younger than the rest of the class.
Nico: Something which was obvious from the start.
Being Korean, she naturally was born with intelligence.
Duo: I think we've pinpointed the self-insert.
Riikii: I'm just glad she didn't try to say that about Americans...
Cale-chan: ...... >.o ....... *bursts out laughing* Americans
SMART??
Duo: HEY! I happen to be of American ethnicity!
Cale-chan: I rest my case.
Duo: -____-
Kina was one year younger
Nico: I believe we've established this already. Can we move on?
than Shina. Kina was very quiet, much like Heero,
Nico: Another thing which was obvious from the start.
Riikii: Don't feel like developing our own character, do we?
but Kina's appearance was hidden under a dark, navy hood.
Nico: And we waited for THAT? Some description!
Riikii: No hats in school.
"Is Kina a boy or a girl?"
Duo: o_O A boy would have the name Kina?
Riikii: She's one of those Haruka kind of chicks, I guess.
Ki-chan: Meaning she's a lesbian?
Riikii: *shrug* Time will tell....
Many classmates began to get curious.
Prettz-chan: She's really an insane neko-jin in disguise, out
to kill you all!
Riikii: No, that would be me.
'girl.' Quatre thought as Kina took a seat next to him.
Prettz-chan: Oho, he's got the inside look!
*~*
Riikii: It's KAWAIII.....
Nico: You know, it is kinda cute...
Ki-chan: Not you too?!
As Heero went to his locker to get his fencing uniform, a strange
Nico: Smelling.
slip of paper fell out of his book. 'Meet me at the fencing court. I shall challenge you there.'
Ki-chan: Ooh, the plot thickens!
Cale-chan: Some challenge! That's not the way to do it. Where's
the slap with the glove?
is what it said.
"Are you going to accept, Heero?"
Cale-chan: No, he's going to accept.
"Guess I have no choice, Quatre."
Duo: Wing Zero told me to accept. I take my destiny...
'I wonder how they could have sneeked
Riikii: More good english!
that piece of paper in my book without me noticing.'
Nico: Yeah, it reeks!
Cale-chan: Losing our touch, are we, Heero?
Duo: Kina must have materialized it in there.
Riikii: Kina? Have you been reading ahead?
*~*
Riikii: ....but if you look at it THIS way, it's a car!
Posse: -____-
Just as the letter promised, there stood Kina
Duo: Am I good or am I good?
in the usual hooded outfit, ready to challenge him. "He's challenging Heero in his regular school clothes? Boy is he ever going to regret it."
Riikii: Yeah, I bet it's against school policy.
"Duo, shh."
Duo: Don't tell me to shh!
"What do you have to listen to? Can't you just watch?"
Duo: YEAH! Go me! Whaddya say to THAT, huh?
Hildi didn't look too happy at Duo's last remark.
Duo: *looking very pleased with self* This fic isn't so bad.
As the match began, all others stood out of the way, watching every move of the two fencers.
Riikii: FIGHT!! FIGHT!! FIGHT!!
Kina was no doubt
Prettz-chan: Don't speak, I know what you're thinking, and I don't need your reasons, don't tell me cause it hurts!
a fast one. Every move that Heero made was accurately blocked or dodged.
Duo: They always gotta be better, don't they? Hey, look, lady,
I'd like to see YOU pilot a Gundam and live.
Nico: Don't give her any ideas!
*~*
Riikii: *takes spacer and puts it on her face* Look, it's my
glasses!
Duo: *takes it from her* Stop playing with the fic.
Riikii: ;_;
"So which one do you want first, Kasana?"
Riikii: Eeney, meeney, miney, moe...
"That one." Kasana pointed at a hooded figure on the screen.
Nico: Sorry, she's out of your price range.
Ki-chan: *as Kasana* NOOOOOOOOOO! ;_;
Tibyokei fired,
Duo: What are you waiting for?
Nico: Enough with the movie references already!
Riikii: Oh goody, more suicide!
but hit someone else.
Everyone: Awwwwwww...
"Sorry, Kasana.
Riikii: *as Tibyokei* I have failed you again, Master. I am not worthy to live. I will now commit seppuku...
That one's too fast."
Cale-chan: And when she goes Super Saiyan, she's even FASTER!
"That's fine.
Riikii: NOOOO! Kill him! He failed!
This one will work perfectly."
Riikii: ......dang.
Duo: Again with perfection.
Prettz-chan: I guess you could say he's a perfectionist.
*~*
Riikii: *moves toward spacer*
Duo: NO.
Riikii: *whimper*
Kina heard a whistling sound
Prettz-chan: *stops singing and mining diamonds* Sorry.
Nico: *jumps on him* NO MORE MOVIE REFERENCES!
coming nearer
Riikii: *starts humming Jaws theme*
and dodged it very quickly.
Everyone: Oooooooh...
Heero kept at it even though he knew his opponent wasn't paying much attention to him.
Duo: Yah, well if she was fighting me, I'd get her, no problem.
Riikii: He's a pilot, not a swordsman. That's Wufei's job.
'Even when he turns around, Kina's still fast.'
Riikii: Are we the only ones besides Quatre that have figured out Kina is a girl's name?
Heero did a round-about turn with his lance
Cale-chan: You mean foil? Sheesh, do your research.
only to have it thrown across the room. Kina pointed the blade right at his face. As Heero surrendered
Duo: *falls over laughing*
Cale-chan: *as Heero* Wing Zero told me that was my destiny.
Prettz-chan: Doctor J told me to do it. Mission accepted.
, all his classmates stood in awe
Posse: Awwwwwww..
Riikii: AWE. A. W. E.
Posse: Oooooooh...
Nico: ARGH!!
that he was defeated.
Riikii: Instead of being dearmed.
Suddenly, a slight breeze blew from the open window, knocking off Kina's hood to reveal... 'What? Hhow can it be?' "Heero's been defeated by... a girl?"
Duo: *falls over* Duuuuuhhhhh...
Girls: What's wrong with girls? SEXIST PIGS!!
Boys: o.o
Relena stood gaping at Heero's
Nico: Butt. Shake that thang, Heero!
victorious challenger.
Nico: So now Relena's a lesiban?
"I knew it! She had to be a girl." "You knew that all along, Quatre?"
Cale-chan: *as Quatre* Well, duh. She's got a girl's name...
"Her movements are swift and graceful.
Duo: And you're saying boys can't be? I can-- *trips over his
own feet* Don't say a word.
Girls: ^_^ *humming innocently*
Only a female can have that much speed and gracefulness at the same time, Wufei."
Ki-chan: You tell it to him, Quatre! You're my hero.
Nico: At least he's not your Heero.
"I thought researching women was Duo's job."
Girls: ....
Duo: *does the V for victory* YEAH, BABY!
"He just quit!" Hilidi was loosing her temper.
Duo: *begins laughing* Oh, did I? You think you own me, girl?
Riikii: Okay, even I admit that was pretty amusing.
Kina was in shock that she had revealed herself,
Duo: That bad, huh?
Riikii: *as Kina* Curse it all! I left my paper bag at home today!
The humanity...
and ran out of the room. Her long, dark-brown hair was the only thing her classmates were allowed to see.
Riikii: They've had enough time to figure out she's a girl. Ya think they would have seen more than that.
*~*
Riikii: *snatches spacer and hides it behind her back,
whistling innocently*
Nico: Oh, let her play with the darn thing.
Riikii: ^________^ SPACER!!
"I wonder where Kina is."
Riikii: *in Cuzco voice* Hmmm....don't know, don't care.
"Why would she disappear like this
Ki-chan: Oo, she's invisible!
, and where's Heero?" Even Wufei started to pale.
Duo: *as Wufei* A woman who might beat me? NOOOOO! INJUSTICE!!
"I'll go look for them." Quatre left his seat and walked out into the hallway when some music started to play in the music room. Quatre ran to the room to find that this mystery player was none other than Kina herself.
Ki-chan: It slices, dices, and makes fries for four!
Riikii: Now we're into Ninja Turtles I?
Nico: NOOOOOOOO! MAKE IT STOP!!
"That was very nicely played." Kina jumped up in surprise and in the blink of an eye, was standing in the middle of the room, ready to fight for her life.
Nico: Slightly jumpy, aren't we?
Duo: Paranoia strikes deep, into your heart it will creep, starts
when you're always afraid, step out of line, and the man comes
and takes you away!
"What are you doing in here?
Prettz-chan: Making the fic fill its required length.
Class is about to start." "I know."
Duo: I know EVERYTHING!
Kina's position in the light
Riikii: Go into the light...
Nico: *goes over and starts beating head on wall*
made her appearance very visable.
Ki-chan: She's not invisible anymore ;_;
She was short,
Riikii: YEAH!
but slender in appearance.
Riikii: *makes face* Boo!
She had flowing dark-brown hair
Prettz-chan: The Department of Redunancy Department says you've already stated that.
that was up to her waist.
Riikii: Um, don't you mean down?
Ki-chan: Where is this hair growing from?
Riikii: o_O I don't want to know.
She had jade colored eyes and pale skin. "Come on, I'll escort you."
Nico: Quatre's such a gentleman. *happy sigh*
Duo: I'm a gentleman too!
Nico: ....... *bursts out laughing*
Duo: I just can't win today...
"No need. I can go myself." "You might get lost at first. Come on." Quatre took her hand and led her through the hallway.
Cale-chan: Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...
By the time he came back, class was just about to start.
Riikii: The teacher was very disappointed. She had already made a late slip with Quatre's name on it.
Unfortunately, Heero's seat was still empty.
Riikii: .......and that's............bad.
Nico: STOP QUOTING THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE!!
*~*
"Kina, may I please speak to you?"
Riikii: You just did.
Kina nodded her head as Relena led her to the music room. "Kina, do you know why Heero didn't come to class so far?"
Riikii: He's SKIPPING! I knew Suicide Boy had it in him!
"To tell you the truth, Relena,
Ki-chan: *as Kina* I killed him and stuffed his body in the
trunk of my corvette.
Cale-chan: Tight fit...
yes, I know why,
Ki-chan: Cause I know EVERYTHING!
but I can't tell you." "Why is that?"
Ki-chan: Because witnesses look bad on my record.
As Kina tried to answer, a loud thud and groan startled the two ladies, causing them to turn around and find...
Riikii: Heero's body. Kina had forgotten and stuffed him in
the closet instead.
Prettz-chan: You killed Heero! YOU--
Riikii: Hey, I'm trying to keep this MST relatively clean! No
South Park references.
Prettz-chan: ;_;
"Duo? What are you doing here?"
Duo: I just came to clean up the dead bodies. Gods of Death gotta do that, yanno.
"Sorry, Relena, but it's my job to protect you when Heero's not around.
Duo: I liked my excuse better.
He'll kill me if something happened to you."
Duo: I'd like to see him try!!
Ki-chan: Duo, it's just an excuse for you to be close to Relena.
Duo: And I get Kina as a bonus! I wonder if she's got a nice
butt?
Nico: DUO!
Duo: Hey, I can look, can't I?
As Duo entered the room, a smokebomb was thrown across the floor.
Prettz-chan: Whoops.
"Kina, where's Relena?"
Riikii: And Where's Waldo? I can never find him in these things...
Quatre was startled to see that only Kina was left in the room.
Duo: Hey, what happened to me? I was here too!
"She must have been kidnapped."
Riikii: Brilliant deduction, Sherlock.
Ki-chan: It was elementary, my dear Watson. Besides, I know
EVERYTHING!
"By whom?" "I... I don't know."
Ki-chan: *falls over*
*~*
"Aww, man. Who threw me out the window?
Duo: Hey! That wasn't nice to do to me!
And who threw that smoke bomb!"
Riikii: I believe the author wanted a ?, not a !.
Nico: !!
Cale-chan: ....
Ki-chan: ??
Duo: (*#&%$!!
"Duo Maxwell, you're under arrest for the kidnapping of Relena Darlian and Heero Yuy." "What are you talking about?"
Duo: This really isn't my day! I don't like this fic anymore.
Duo shut his mouth as the armed officers took him away.
*~*
"Excellent!" Kasana gave a shrill fit of laughter
Prettz-chan: And proceeded to choke on that little hangy downy thing in the back of her throat.
at the thought of success of rulling the world.
Riikii: What I want to know is, why does everyone go after the world? It's not even decent real estate.
"Where am I?"
Prettz-chan: Who am I?
Nico: STOP....IT.
Relena moaned as she tried to get to her feet. "So good of you to join us, Miss Relena."
Cale-chan: Cliche. Dare to be different, Kasana!
Kasana came out of the darkness to greet her prisoner. "What do you want with me?"
Riikii: I'm going to turn you into an emotionless android and
cackle with glee as you tear apart your victims savagely! Revenge
shall be MINE!! The blood--
Posse: .... o_O
"Nothing. We were just trying an experiment.
Ki-chan: Okay, you Washu wannabe....
We were going to let you go, but unfortunately you had to wake up."
Riikii: And now, you die.
There came a moan from the control room.
Riikii: From the person who was dangling from wires, helpless
as his intestines--
Ki-chan/Nico: EW!
"Looks like Tibyokei's dose of control chips wasn't strong enough."
Duo: Do they come in barbeque flavor?
"Control chips?"
Ki-chan: From the makers of Lays.
"Now that you're going to be my prisoner forever,
Riikii: Insert more evil cackling here.
I might as well tell you.
Cale-chan: NO, YOU FOOL!! If you tell her, she'll escape and
tell your brilliant plan to the hero of the hour!
Duo: Which would naturally be me.
I kidnapped an outstanding student who was suppose to transfer here.
Prettz-chan: Cause I had nothing better to do.
Cale-chan: Hey, it's a living.
His talents with computer chips was alarming.
Nico: Yeah, he perfected the Sour Cream and Onion flavor!
I used him for his knowledge to create computer chips that can control the mind of a human." "So Dorothy was..."
Riikii: Cockroach lady!
Prettz-chan: An idjit.
Duo: Treize in a dress.
Riikii: o_O ??
"Another test of course.
Ki-chan: *as Dorothy* What do I look like, a guinea pig?
Unfortunately, hers made her go crazy
Riikii: And there's a difference?
and mixed up my orders. My orders was to assassinate the Gundam pilot, Heero Yuy,
Prettz-chan: Because he's got nothing better to do.
but she killed herself." "Heero." "Tibyokei is related to Shina Cho.
Riikii: Well, that was an abrupt change of subject....
I'm pretty sure you've heard of her." "Shina?" "They're brother and sister. Tibyokei is a year older
Nico: Considering the author stressed that Shina was a year younger than everyone else, you think he might be everyone else's age?
and handsome enough
Riikii: You shallow lump of llama droppings!
to be my partner for life of course.
Ki-chan: Yeesh...he's a little young, isn't he?
Unfortunately, I have a rival both in love and war.
Prettz-chan: Don't we all.
Kina Chan.
Cale-chan: Suprised ya, didn't it?
That's her codename.
Duo: Yipe, she really IS a Suicide Boy Wannabe...
She never told her real name, but just the thought of her makes me sick!"
Riikii: This obsession with your rival is a bit unhealthy...
"Kina?"
Nico: The Department of Redundancy Department says that's already been stated.
"I might as well go fix up the computer chips for Tibyokei."
Riikii: Who's the computer chip genius here, him or you?
"What are you going to do now."
Riikii: Pass me a ?.
Duo: *passes her a ?*
Nico: .....
Prettz-chan: 9.9
"I'm going to use a special someone of yours
Cale-chan: Cliche!
to take care of my little enemy. Sure she defeated him,
Riikii: But that matters?
Cale-chan: NO! YOU FOOL!!
but it wouldn't be so bad when Tibyokei fights her as well."
Cale-chan: *still yelling at Kasana* OF COURSE NOT! You idiot,
he'll never fight *gag* the one he loves. Your control will be
broken, and you'll either die or come over to the good side.
Either way, Kina the *gag* mighty heroine, will totally kick your
butt...
Riikii: Not slightly predictable, is it?
*~*
"Yes, thank you for helping us." Pagan
Riikii: Where'd HE come from?
shoed off the last of the officers. 'I'm getting too old for this.' "Pagan, have you seen Kina?"
Cale-chan: Yes, she left a goodbye note and committed suicide,
thus ending the fic.
Riikii: What, everyone knows who and where she is?
"The last time I saw her, she was heading towards the piano room."
Prettz-chan: Is it just me, or does anyone else have any clue WHERE this fic is set?
Quatre hesitantly walked off to the music room.
Riikii: Be a man, Quatre!
Cale-chan: You must be swift as a coursing river--
Nico: *smacks Cale-chan with a baseball bat*
'Why would she want to play the piano at this time?'
Prettz-chan: It's a hobby. Save the world, play piano in the meantime.
Quatre peered in to find Kina playing a piece and then a chromatic scale.
Riikii: Ooh, big words!
When she reached a certain pair of notes, she stopped and wrote them down. "Kina, what are you doing?" Shina was growing impatient.
Riikii: o_O Where did SHE come from?
"Listen." Kina played the chord for a minor, and then went to the fireplace where she tapped three times against the wall. Suddenly the wall opened, revealing a secret passage way.
Everyone: Ooooooooooh.
'Is that what she was looking for?'
Cale-chan: No, it was what she was looking for.
Quatre opened the door a little more to get a better view. "So that's what..." Quatre put his hand over Wufei's mouth to silence him.
Riikii: o_O And where did HE come from?
"They might hear," he whispered. "Come in you two." Quatre and Wufei were shocked that Kina had noticed that they were there.
Riikii: *falls over* It wasn't that inobvious...
"I'm going to need your help.
Nico: The self insert heorine needs help?? What is the world coming to?
Kasana, Trez's
Cale-chan: Who the heck is Trez?
niece has kidnapped Heero and Relena.
Ki-chan: See, she was just bluffing when she said she didn't know.
She's also got a plot to rule the universe."
Riikii: First it's the world, then it's the universe. My, Kasana's ambition just keeps growing and growing...
"What do you mean?" Wufei's interest just doubled.
Duo: Right.
Riikii: ...and growing and growing and growing...
"Not long ago, Tibyokei found out a way that humans could be controled by computer chips.
Riikii: Impossible.
Ki-chan: It COULD be done. I mean, the human brain is run by
electric impulses--
Riikii: No, impossible that a fourteen year old would figure this
out before anyone else.
He didn't think it would be that big of a deal,
Duo: Right! Controlling people, no biggie. It's an everyday thing.
so he just locked it up in his drawer. Kasana took one of his own chips
Nico: Shoulda used a better lock.
and used him for an experiment.
Ki-chan: She IS a Washu wannabe!
She made plenty of them adding a little something in each one. Her victims included Trowa, Dorothy, and Heero." "Trowa?" "Dorothy?" "And Heero?"
Nico: The Department of Redundancy Department is threatening to go on strike if this fic gets any more redundant.
"Trowa and Dorothy couldn't take the orders properly which made them go insane. Rumors have it that Dorothy comitted suicide,
Prettz-chan: Man, that was the very beginning of the fic! Where've you been?
and Trowa may have been injured. Heero was used to kidnap Relena." "But what happened to Duo?"
Duo: Yeah, I'm important too. Remember me?
Kina's face lit up as if she were going to burst out laughing.
Duo: I don't like this.
"I... threw him out the window."
Riikii: .......THAT was the great gag?
Ki-chan: The window, the window, she threw him out the window...
Prettz-chan: All the things that I used to know have gone out the
window...
Duo: So YOU'RE the one!!
"You what!" Wufei couldn't take it anymore. He dropped to his knees clutching onto his side, rolling with laughter.
Duo: O_O
Riikii: What is it now?
Duo: Wufei....laughs? >.o
"Why did you do that?" Quatre had a feeling that if they don't get serious, he was going to be laughter's next victim.
Duo: It's not funny! Someone oughta give that tramp a
thrashing.
Laughter: YEAH! I am the great SLAYER!! Death, death, death and
destruction!!!
Nico: Drop it, Riikii, we know it's you.
Laughter: ....It is not!
Nico: *takes one of the spacers and dangles in front of Laughter*
Laughter: *eyes glaze over* Spaaaaaacer...
Nico: HA!
Laughter: ;_;
"If he knew that Heero did that, he was going to open his big mouth for sure."
Duo: HEY! I don't have a big mouth! Oooh, you are asking for it!
"But, he got arrested instead of Heero."
Duo: Yeah, thanks a lot, twit.
Shina didn't look to pleased at having to deliver that message.
Duo: Finally! You're the only one who cares!
"What?" Wufei still had a smirk on his face,
Duo: ô.o
but Quatre was completely serious. "Oh, no worries there. I sent down a friend of mine to pay the officers a visit. I'm positive he can get Duo out of there."
*~*
"I'm here to speak to you on the defense account of Duo Maxwell."
Duo: YEAH! Bout darn time!
"Name please." "I have no name, but if you must call me something, call me Trowa, Trowa Barton."
Riikii: Oooh, the plot thickens again!
*~*
Riikii: LOOKIE ALL DA SPACERS!! THERE'S SO MANY!! Spacers spacers spacers...
"Thanks, Trowa. I owe you one."
Duo: Took ya long enough!
"No problem, Duo."
*~*
"Meanwhile, I'm going exploring."
Prettz-chan: Do I NEED to say it?
Kina grabbed a lantern, her sword, and her hooded cloak. "What good will a sword do against a gun? I just don't understand it."
Prettz-chan: O_O He likes guns...over SWORDS? That's just abnormal.
Quatre was confused at why Kina preferred a sword instead of a gun which would have been easier to handle.
Cale-chan: But a sword has more finesse!
After Kina followed Wufei, then Shina, then Quatre.
Riikii: Like lemmings...
"Shina, stay behind with Quatre." "What? But Kina. I've got to rescue my brother."
Nico: You didn't seem worried about him before...
"And he'd never forgive me if something happened to you." "He'd do the same in your situation."
Prettz-chan: *gag*
"I know. When Duo returns, then you can come." Kina turned to face Wufei. "You know how to run?" Wufei gave a smirk
Duo: o.ô
as his answer. "Well then, you'll just have to learn."
Riikii: Cocky twit. Ever heard the word 'humble'?
Kina took off so quickly, Wufei almost lost her at just the very beginning of the passage.
Cale-chan: Here we go again with the 'let's make ourselves look better than the main characters'...
Wufei seemed to have lost track of Kina,
Nico: It's official. The Department of Redundancy Department has quit.
but he found a bright light.
Riikii: Go into--
Nico: DON'T SAY IT!
He realized it went to the fencing court and to Kina.
Riikii: Geez, if you're going to have a 'secret passage', at least make it lead somewhere different.
"Where have you been? I've been waiting five minutes here."
Riikii: You're a bit whiny, aren't you, dear?
Duo: This girl REALLY needs an Ego-Popping pin...
Wufei looked out of breath so Kina let him have a rest.
Ki-chan: How generous of you.
"I'll go slower next time." Kina went around the room and pushed three hidden letters: A, C, E.
Prettz-chan: If they were hidden, how could you tell what they were?
After that, she rapped on the wall three times,
Cale-chan: Three is so cliche. C'mon, a ten year old could have done this.
and another passage way opened.
Riikii: What I'd like to know is how Kasana got all these
secret passages in here.
Ki-chan: Materialization.
Prettz-chan: Where is 'here', anyway?
*~*
"So, it seems that we have guests."
Nico: Man, you're fast...
Kasana smirked as she saw Kina and Wufei enter through the secret passage way. "Go greet them, Heero and Relena."
Cale-chan: Could you BE any more 'fakey cliche villainess'?
Heero, still controled by the chips, took Relena as hostage to get Kina to surrender immediately.
Prettz-chan: What a brilliant idea!
"Heero, please, put me down." "He won't listen to you, missy."
Cale-chan: Please, don't condescend to the good guys. It makes
you look really stupid.
Riikii: Too late to avoid that.
*~*
"We should be there... now!" Kina cut a wall that was actually just a well disguised painting. "How did you know?"
Duo: I KNOW EVERYTHING, PUNY MORTAL!!!
"I felt it. Shouldn't a wall and a picture feel different to you?"
Riikii: Shouldn't they look different as well?
"You're here." Out of the darkness, Heero stepped out holding an unconscious Relena. "Heero, you escaped?"
Nico: *still trying to talk the DORD into coming back*
"What did you think, Wufei?"
Duo: Now that, he had coming.
Wufei was shocked that Heero escaped without a scratch.
Cale-chan: Yeah, usually he resembles dog meat at the end of an episode.
Kina stared skeptically at Heero, and drew her sword. "Stay back or I'll fire."
Riikii: She's going to fire with a sword. That's a trick I'd like to learn.
Heero knew he wasn't getting past Kina. "Heero, why are you doing this? Don't you care for Relena at all?" Wufei was getting really confused.
Duo: *snicker*
Riikii: Oh come on. It's not that hard, Wuffie...
"Relena?" Heero was getting conscious
Nico: As opposed to getting unconscious.
when the chip took over again. 'This isn't getting us anywhere,'
Riikii: No, really?
Kina thought. "Hey, Heero! Catch me if you can!"
Cale-chan: That implies that we want to...
Kina took off running down the passage as Heero put Relena down
Prettz-chan: I got a number for you, Relena: 1-800-97-JENNY.
and followed her. 'This is no time to play tag!'
Riikii: Duuuuuuuh.
Duo: Can I be it? Ohh, ooh, pick me!!
Heero was getting really impatient now.
Ki-chan: With Kina as the hero of the fic, who can blame him?
Wufei understood and took Relena out to the fencing court.
Prettz-chan: Kinky, swordplay!
Riikii: -___- I'm TRYING to keep this decent...
Prettz-chan: *cheerfully* Too late!
Afterwards, he went back to get Duo and the others. Heero followed Kina to a dead end.
Cale-chan: Who died?
Riikii: Hopefully Kina...
Kina backflipped against the walls the go behind Heero,
Everyone: Ooooooooh.
and pulled the computer chip off his shoulder.
Ki-chan: Okay, now THAT is scientifically impossible. I
thought it was in his head...
Riikii: It's all in your head, hon.
Prettz-chan: The voices...in...my head.... o_O
"Huh? What am I doing here?"
Cale-chan: We'd like to know the same thing.
"Heero, follow the footprints to the fencing court. Once you get there, guard Relena with your life."
Duo: *as Heero* What if I refuse?
Heero nodded
Duo: Dang!
and disappeared following the directions that Kina gave him.
*~*
"Duo, come on. We've gotta... Trowa?"
Riikii: We've got a Tossa too.
Nico: What about a 'catcha'?
"What is, Wufei?"
Riikii: If you find out, tell us.
"You knew Kina all along?"
Nico: You poor soul...
Riikii: Well, that was an abrupt subject change...
"What are you talking about?
Riikii: We don't know, either.
She's my only living relative that I know of other than Catherine."
Nico: -___- This is starting to sound like Pride and Prejudice. Is EVERYONE in this fic related??
"They're related to you?"
Nico: Nico stepping in for the Department of Redundancy Department says, "DUH!"
"Catherine's my sister and Kina's my cousin." "It figures."
Riikii: In the world of self inserts, it often does.
"Come on you two. Kina's in trouble."
Ki-chan: Ooh, he's psychic!
*~*
"So you got Heero back, didn't you.
Cale-chan: I'm sorry, we just got here. Was he gone?
Well, your little stunts
Riikii: That's Trowa's department.
Prettz-chan: Safer than big ones...
are not going to work this time."
Nico: That implies that they worked before.
"Kasana."
Riikii: *points to self* Riikii. Next week, we'll work on 'tree'.
"Unfortunately,
Prettz-chan: This fic is not yet over.
Nico: ~_~ Blast...
Kina, this time, I'm not alone."
Cale-chan: Yes, this time I have the voices in my head accompanying me.
Out of the shadows,
Everyone: Ooooooh...
Tibyokei took his stance next to Kasana. "No, Tibyokei!"
Riikii: Dun dun dun...
Nico: Yes!
*~*
"Come on, Wufei. Where do we go?"
Duo: *singing* Where do we go, my lovely?
Riikii: Wufei...lovely? o_O
"Um, I think it go here, or was it there?"
Duo: Follow the footsteps, Wufei. It's not that hard...
"This way." Shina led them through the corridors until they reached the fencing room. "Heero, how's Relena doing?" "She's still
Riikii: Dead.
Prettz-chan: Have we had enough suicide references for one fic?
unconscious,
Riikii: D'oh!
but she'll get back soon."
Riikii: What, she left?
Prettz-chan: *singing* Get back! Get back to where you once
belonged! Oooh...
Riikii: That's just the weirdest song. I mean, Jojo was a man who
thought he was a woman?
"What are you talking about?"
Riikii: Beatles songs. And you?
Shina waved her arms angrily.
Nico: As opposed to waving them happily.
"That thing is a robot!"
Duo: o_O
"What?"
Riikii: Where? How? WHY?????
Prettz-chan: With who?
Riikii: -_____-
"We've been tricked. All of us."
Riikii: Well, that was easy enough...
Duo: Do you get the feeling they're easy enough to trick?
Cale-chan: Even for the supid cliched villainess?
Riikii: I bet this happens to them all the time.
"Let's hurry and catch up to Kina."
Duo: No, RUN AWAY!! RUN AWAY!!
Nico: ARRRRRGGGGGHHH!!!
'I hope she and my brother are alright.'
Riikii: I hope they're dead...
*~*
"Tibyokei! Why, why did you joing forces with her?"
Cale-chan: Welcome to the dark side.
Prettz-chan: Joing. Sounds kinda, whoohoo!
Tibyokei answered silently
Riikii: How DOES one answer silently?
Cale-chan: Like Trowa. "........"
as he held a gun up at Kina. "Tibyokei, stop!"
Riikii: Do it, do it...
Duo: No, yield then make a right turn! But not on red!
Everyone turned around to see backup on its way.
Backup: Why do I always have to save your--AUGH!
Nico: .....I give up.
"Tibyokei, don't you remember Kina at all?
Riikii: What, he wants to?
She was that someone special you wanted to
Riikii: Kill horribly!
meet, remember?" "Kina?"
Riikii: No, Tiddleywinks.
"Yes, Tibyokei. That's right.
Duo: No, it's left.
Remember me? I'm your sister."
Nico: Coulda fooled me...
Duo: Yeah, I thought she was your brother.
"Shina."
Nico: Do I NEED to say that was redundant?
Riikii: Saying that was kinda redundant.
"Stop that!
Duo: Yeah, you're exceeding the speed limit!
Don't listen to them, Tibyokei.
Riikii: Yeah, just shut off your ears. Piece of cake.
I'm the only one you can rely on."
Nico: That would be a horrible fate.
Tibyokei's eyes flared
Everyone: Oooh. I didn't know he could do THAT....
as the chip took over again.
Chip: I will RULE THE WORLD!
He held up his gun and fired a barrage of bullets. As the dust settled, everyone opened their eyes
Riikii: What, he's been shooting with his eyes closed?? That's
just not safe...
Duo: Kinda cowardly, facing death with your eyes closed. You
should poke him in the belly and then run away really fast!
to reveal...
Everyone: AHHHHHH!!
"Kina!"
Riikii: No stripping!! No stripping!
Everyone else: *still screaming in abject terror*
"How could she?"
Riikii: Yeah, this is a G-rated fic!
Kina stood in fighting stance with her sword drawn to reveal
Everyone: *hiding*
that she blocked most of the bullets
Everyone: Whew...
with it and the rest was hit away by her bleeding hands.
Duo: *cracks up* Riiiiiiight.
Riikii: Well, that was smart...
"Kina. Your hands. What happened to them?"
Cale-chan: Duhhhhhh...
Tibyokei opened his eyes wider and the chip was destroyed.
Chip: NOOOOOOOOO!
Riikii: *dressed in black* Poor, innocent chip! All he wanted was
a little world domination! Is that so wrong?
Nico: Sheesh, if that was all you had to do to destroy them...
Duo: I hope Kasana had a warranty on those things.
"It's alright,
Riikii: No, it's not, she's still alive.
as long as you're back."
Riikii: *begins humming Ode to Joy* As long as you're Bach, why don't you Beethoven too?
Kina dropped her sword as she passed out.
Ki-chan: There's still hope! She could bleed to death.
"One less toy to play with.
Everyone: o_O
Oh well, looks like I'll have to use her after all.
Riikii: No comment. Just...no comment.
Vice Foreign Minister, your mission is to kill Heero Yuy."
Ki-chan: Man, talk about a vendetta...
Prettz-chan: I'm telling you! SHE HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO.
Relena stepped out ready to fight to the death.
Duo: *cracks up again* Relena...fight...to death... *dissolves into helpless laughter*
Relena charged at Heero with all her strength
Duo: *still laughing his arse off*
Riikii: Is the idea of Relena actually being able to fight really
that amusing?
when Heero suddenly pulled her into a tight embrace.
Ki-chan: o_O Ew.
Duo: Heero...kiss? ô.o I think I'm going to be ill...
Riikii: Suicide boy kisses? Well...who knew?
"Relena."
Riikii: I think we've been over this routine before...
Duo: *points to self* Duo.
Ki-chan: *does likewise* Ki-chan.
"Heero?" The chip fell off of Relena and clanged as it bounced on the floor.
Riikii: Chips clang? Man, this fic is full of useful
information.
Ki-chan: Would it have really been that hard to knock the stupid
thing off her shoulder?
"What could have happened? This plan was so perfect.
Cale-chan: The plan was perfect. You are a moron.
What could have gone wrong!"
Cale-chan: Don't get me started. You're a special breed of stupid, aren't you?
"You can master the mind, but you can't master the heart.
Nico: *starry eyed*
Riikii: There are other things you can't control. Like excessive
flatulence...
Duo: Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that
we should learn. And today's lesson: You can pick your friends,
you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose!
You can hire someone to do it for you, though...
Not with these control chips."
Chip: ;_;
"Tibyokei, you dare to revolt against me?"
Cale-chan: DUH!
"Love
Ki-chan: Oh, dear kami, it's a romantic moral! Save us!
is not complete obedience,
Nico: Unless you happen to be Chichi.
but an allegience and devotion to someone you care for, and your type of love is not tolerable."
Riikii: And this IS?
"Silence, you fool.
Cale-chan: *playing Bad Guy Phrases Bingo* Hah! Bingo!
Prettz-chan: D'oh!
I still have the upper hand
Riikii: Well, I have the middle hand!
in this game."
Cale-chan: Too late. *holds up bingo board* I won!
Duo: I know, I know! Now we can play Global Thermonuclear Warfare!
Nico: NOOO!
Kasana took out a gun and snatched Kina from Tibyokei.
Prettz-chan: So now she's a lesbian?
"Kina!"
Nico: *points to self* Nico!
Cale-chan: *ditto* Cale-chan.
Prettz-chan: Prettz-chan.
"So what do you think we should do first, my little slave."
Prettz-chan: Told you so! She IS a lesbo!
"Let her go. She's just a child."
Cale-chan: This from the same author who made Ti-guy and Kasan a couple...
"Do you think I would want to listen to your remarks, Mr. Yuy.
Riikii: You just did.
Why don't I just throw her into the ravine over there.
Prettz-chan: Like everything else, it hadn't been there a second ago.
Maybe then, you'll see to it my way."
Riikii: Impressive logic. Throw her into a ravine and then he'll agree with you.
Kasana dropped hold of Kina, but Kasana tripped over Kina's foot,
Cale-chan: Clutz.
making her down with her.
Duo: Duuuude...
Riikii: Getteth thee down, be thou funky!
Screams were heard
Prettz-chan: Oho, naughty lesbians!
until Kina caught onto a ledge with Kasana dangling on her feet.
Prettz-chan: I guess they went about it the wrong way...
"I'm not going alone, Kina!"
Prettz-chan: My love!
"Do whatever you want."
Everyone: Whoa...
Kina got up on the ledge just as Kasana started to fall. "Gotcha."
Llama: *Llama dance* Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh! I snatched you
right out of the air! *in a whimpy girly voice* Oh, look at me!
I'm a big crumbly cliff wall, and I'm gonna fall down. And I'm
taking you with me! *ruff and macho* Well not today pal!
Nico: *making sounds in the background typical of one who is
slowly going insane*
"What?"
Riikii: Apparently she's never seen the Emperor's New Groove.
Kina grabbed hold of Kasana.
Prettz-chan: I rest my case.
"Why are you helping me?" "Because
Prettz-chan: You are my one and only!
everyone deserves a second chance."
Riikii: Not really, but...
Kasana smiled. "You're not as bad as I thought you were.
Prettz-chan: No, baby, I'm better!
Cale-chan: Yeah, as far as villains go, you were a really sucky
one.
No wonder Tibyokei liked you more then me."
Cale-chan: ô.o
Riikii: Yes, but now he's left alone, poor boy...
"Kasana?"
Chip: Chip.
Laughter: Really Riikii in disguise.
Llama: Llama. Can we get back to ME?
Kasana pushed off of the ledge and fell into the ravine.
Riikii: YES! I knew there was going to be more suicide in this!
Our time wasn't totally wasted.
Duo: *wakes up* Just because I can identify a goat...Oh, I'm
sorry. Did something happen?
LLama: LLAMA!
'I can't start over my life,
Riikii: Well, not if you've jumped off a cliff.
so I might as well end it now.
Everyone: *waves* Buh bai.
I want to be free,
Riikii: *singing* Freeeeeee....as a bird....
Kina. Don't you think so?'
Ki-chan: What, is she psychic?
Cale-chan: don't ask her opinion! YOU FOOL!
"Kasana."
Llama: YZMA!
Riikii: No, you're Llama.
Llama: CRONK!
Riikii: Okay, who spiked the punch?
Posse: o_O ??
Riikii: Seemed a logical explanation for an insane llama...
Llama: Llama face....
"Kina, are you alright?"
Ki-chan: We hope not...
"Tibyokei. I'm sorry."
Riikii: We are too.
Nico: You're still alive.
Duo: We're not done yet.
Llama: There's no more punch.
Posse: .....
Riikii: SEE? Told ya!
Llama: NO TOUCHY!
"I understand.
Riikii: I'm glad someone does...
Come on. Before you fall too."
Duo: C'mon, all it takes is one little innocent shove...
*~*
"... and so the Gundam pilots saved the Vice Foreign Minister, Relena Dorlain.
Peasants: Yay.
Llama: LLAMA!
Mr. Yuy, what are you planning to do now?"
Cale-chan: *as Heero* Go to Disneyland!
Heero shrugged
Cale-chan: Idiot. It's the best park in the world!
Duo: No way, man. Universal Studios all the way!
Llama: Bad llama! Oh, now I feel really bad!
as Relena took his hand in hers.
Duo: If your hand doth sin against you, cut it off. Cut your losses while you still can...
"Looks like someone's planning something special folks. Look out.
Riikii: Yes, do!
I hear wedding bells."
Nico: I hear sirens. Should we be worried?
Llama: LLAMA!
Duo was making a fool out of himself,
Duo: HEY!
Heero, and Relena.
Duo: Who cares about THEM? It's me we're insulting!
Llama: Amen, brudda.
"Actually, we've had a little help."
Riikii: A little? Who was this fic centered around, them or
you?
Llama: Square...
Cale-chan: That's the most 'little' I've seen...
Wufei pointed out Kina, Shina, and Tibyokei. "Three Korean matrons?" "Haven't you heard of the K-squad?"
Llama: No, but I've heard of KY jelly and KB toys.
Ki-chan: Should we have?
Prettz-chan: All right, Llama, keep it clean.
Llama: LLAMA!
Prettz-chan: .....
"Do you mean the agency of Koreans who train to fight crime, Mr. Barton?"
Llama: Why do I see another story coming out of this idiot?
Riikii: *whisper to others* I think that's the most intelligent
thing he's said tonight...
Prettz-chan: I dunno, Square was pretty deep.
Llama: LLAMA!
Everyone: .....
"That's them alright, and the newest leader, Kina who is actually Tisa the swordsmaster and Suh-yuhn."
Riikii: NOOOO!! The alter egos...crushing me!
"Suh-yuhn Choi? The child genius?"
Duo: No, I mean the guy in the corner with the pencil up his
nose. That's him.
Prettz-chan: Square...
Nico: I KNEW we should have brought along the Anti-Ego armor....
"I'm not that smart."
Riikii: That's right! Beef Jerky is smarter than you!
Llama: You're dumber than a box of hair.
Prettz-chan: Not the brightest crayon in the box, now are we?
Ki-chan: That girl's cheese done slid off her cracker...
Cale-chan: The elevator doesn't go to the top floor.
Nico: The lights are on, no one's home, and there's a walrus in
the garage!
Duo: She makes mildew look like the next Einstein.
Llama: Hey, man, support bacteria! It's the only culture some
people have.
Duo: .....
Riikii: I digress.
"What do you mean? You skipped jr. high
Riikii: Skipping school, now are we? Maybe that's why we call it jr now...
and landed in high school at the top of every class."
Duo: Does not say much for the class.
Llama: LLAMA!
"Hard work pays off.
Nico: But laziness pays off now!
Trowa, did you have to tell them?"
Riikii: *as Kina* That I keep peacocks in my bathroom?
"What's wrong with that?"
Riikii: Well, some people don't like peacocks...
"This is why I kept changing my name and my background."
Prettz-chan: Because you really don't have anything better to do.
"It won't matter. They can't always follow you around."
Riikii: Obviously Trowa has never heard of paparazzi.
"Good point.
Duo: One good point deserves another. *draws no datchi*
Gotta go. See yah, cuz." Kina sped away, jumped over the rooftop,
Everyone: Wow...
saluted good bye, and vanished with her two partners. "Heero, do you think we'll see them again?"
Duo: *wields sword with a manaical grin* Not if I have a say in the matter..
"We will, Relena. We will."
Riikii: I beg to differ.
***~~~THE END~~~***
Peasants: Yay.
Llama: LLAMA!
Duo: *runs off to kill Kina*