The Desert Rose
Written by DuoMaxwell, MSTed by Riikii, and various members of
posse
Nico: Why are we here again?
Riikii: New project! We're MSTing again!
Talpa-chan: *begins cackling*
Cale-chan: What, I don't have enough mental scars from the last
one?
Riikii: Ahh, quit yer whining. This is a Tenchi fic anyway.
Ki-chan/Washu: O_O NO!
Riikii: What's worse, the guy has Duo's name.
Duo: I feel ill.
Riikii: *rubs hands together* Okay! Everyone ready?
While the Tenchi gang was exploring the space limits,
Prettz-chan: Because they had nothing better to do.
when Tenchi fist found out he was a descendent of Jurai,
Ki-chan: Does Ryo-chan still have that stamp? I have a feeling we're going to need it.
Yosho encountered a being unlike any other.
Washu: Technically all beings are unlike any other. We're all
unique.
Riikii: -__- Can we quit with the science lesson already?
The being's name was Joel, and a legend is made along with his existence.........
Duo: Oh god, it's a self insert!
Riikii: -__- Gee, what was your first clue?
Nico: *dryly* The legend part?
Yosho lead the gang along the dead planet.
Ki-chan: It fits the deadness of the story.
The cut down trees made it hard to see what the old man had up his sleeve.
Prettz-chan: He's got cut down trees up his sleeve?
Cale-chan: No, silly, the cut down trees in his sleeves are
making it hard to see what's up his sleeves.
Duo: Wow. Those must be some wide sleeves.
Nico: What's he got up his sleeves? Besides his arms, that is.
Cale-chan: And the trees!
Along the distance, a man, wearing baggy jeans, a blue jacket,
Ki-chan: Man, that 'casual legendary' look was so last year...
shoes,
Nico: Shoes are good. Shoes are always in fashion...
and a grin was sitting... waiting for them. Ryoko was the first to cry out.
Talpa-chan: *perks up* Is she in pain?
"Whose that? Yosho, you should know!"
Washu: And why is that? Who's the genius here, him or me?
"It could be the legendary Dessert Rose.
Riikii: Available with chocolate or strawberry topping. Mmmmm...dessert...
A legend is passed down by the Jurai family."
Riikii: *in serious narrating tone* The legendary Dessert
Rose, passed down through centuries by Juraian cooks...
Ki-chan: Hey, Jurai passes down a lot of things. Clothes,
headgear, prissy attitudes, inbreeding...
Riikii: o_O I didn't want to know that.
Said Yosho, with his wise voice.
"Could you please tell us the legend?" Said the curious
Tenchi.
Prettz-chan: Like he's got anything better to do?
"Legend has it, that every thousand years, a man will appear and destroy all evil.
Nico: Oh sure. It's always a man.
Talpa-chan: I don't like him already.
I believe that he was said to have the same powers as you, Ryoko. Except, he's a bit more powerful."
Duo: *sarcastically* But just a bit.
"Yeah right, someone stronger then me?" said an unbelieving Ryoko.
Riikii: This is probably the most IC part of the entire thing.
"It's true." Said the being.
"Then let's have a duel." Said Ryoko.
Riikii: I dunno, that one's pretty close to Ryoko too.
"That's not a very wise thing to do."
Cale-chan: It's revenge of the AE fields! The egos are coming! The egos are coming!
Said the being. "My name is Joel.
Ki-chan: Oh, sure, insult her and THEN tell her your name.
Hmph. Men have no manners!
Duo: Hey.
And I have no connection with the Jurai legend.
Prettz-chan: Sure you don't. The whole Dessert Rose thing was
just thrown in for the hell of it.
Riikii: And to make the reader hungry.
But I tell you now, I wouldn't challenge me now."
Riikii: That's generally a good idea not to challenge oneself.
Talpa-chan: *sarcastically* It's not? Whoops.
Kiyone looked up. She nudged Tenchi. She blew kisses at him, then pointed to Joel.
Ki-chan: AHHHHHHHH!!
Nico: *backs away* Calm down...it's just a fic...
Ki-chan: I don't like Tenchi! I have never had the hots for
Tenchi! The only thing that even hints that I like Tenchi was ONE
LINE in Tenchi in Tokyo which took most everyone severly out of
character anyway! I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM!
Riikii: Fetch the sedatives!
Tenchi drew his sword.
Washu: *falls to the floor laughing* Oh, that's rich. The day Tenchi is the aggressor is the day I can't figure out two plus two.
Joel looked at him.
"Tenchi, don't do it." Said Yosho.
Tenchi was about to flick down his sword when he saw Ayeka
sniffling, like the weakling Tenchi wasn't good enough anymore.
Nico: I thought he was more interesting in Kiyone?
Ki-chan: *hurriedly* No, that's all right, he can have Ayeka.
So, Tenchi attacked Joel.
Washu: *on floor, dying of laughter*
Joel made the beam sword,
Cale-chan: I see your shwartz is as big as mine.
Riikii: *snerk*
and moved from the poor boy's attacks. Joel looked down at
him.
"That's my creation. Five years ago, a failed experiment is
the one I abandoned. Sorry, but this is my doing." Said
Washu.
Nico: And the truth comes out!
Washu: Oh please. That can't be mine. My policy is to destroy
failed experiments.
Nico: And that's not destroyed enough for you?
"Washu, is my mom?" said Joel. "NO! It isn't so!"
Riikii: *raises eyebrow* Boy, Washu, you sure get around...Illegitimate
children?
Washu: That. Is. Not. Mine.
Cale-chan: *laughing* Who's the father, Washu?
Washu: That's not mine!
Cale-chan: It's Talpa-chan! No wonder the guy's so messed up!
Riikii: Talpa-chan can have children?
Talpa-chan: o_O I'm not claiming that! Cloning Duo four times
over couldn't produce something that messed up.
Duo: Leave me out of this!
"But it is."
Cale-chan/Riikii: *laughing*
Washu/Talpa-chan: That's not mine!
"No, it isn't. I had a mom. She was killed. On the orders of princess Ayeka.
Ki-chan: Like Ayeka would care about your mom when she doesn't even know who you are?
I'm just trying to prevent the resurrection of the two knights."
Riikii: Why?
Prettz-chan: *merrily* Because he has nothing better to do!
Ryoko spoke. "I think you might be mistaken. THIS is
princess Ayeka."
Ayeka growled. Joel smirked. "I was sent to rescue Ryoko
from the galaxy police."
Talpa-chan: What person in their right mind would send you?
Washu: Or their left.
The ship came in.
Ki-chan: "The Ship." Oh, that's descriptive.
Riikii: Danger, danger, Will Robinson! Plot hole! Plot hole!
Joel just flew back, made a fireball, and flew, straight through the ship. It blew up,
Peasants: Yay.
then Joel's ship came in. It sent them all to sick bay,
Prettz-chan: Why, are they hurt?
Cale-chan: Maybe they got hit by shrapnel.
Prettz-chan: That Joel sure is clumsy. The way to do it is... *starts
babbling about exploding things*
and Joel, with the Jurai boy, to the cockpit.
Nico: I thought they all went to sick bay?
"Here, Tenchi. You take the ship.
Prettz-chan: Possibly the stupidest thing one could do in this situation.
I'm going down to the guns." Joel went down the main hall and shot down some fighters.
Cale-chan: That must be a pretty big ship if fighters can fit
in the main hall.
Riikii: Must be people fighters, not ship fighters.
Talpa-chan: Talk about your lousy security.
Ayeka thought to herself.
"I wonder why this Joel character is so eager to help us."
Tenchi spoke. "This Joel guy, he's good."
Ki-chan: Wow, Tenchi's telepathic!
{Hey guys, it's getting pretty hectic down here. Pull the
throttle above you for the main guns, back me up man!} The static
Joel said.
Tenchi reached up and pulled the main gun switch.
Washu: I would have laughed myself sick if he'd hit the self
destruct.
Duo: No such luck.
Thirteen fighters went down.
Nico: Well, that was an exciting fight.
{ALRIGHT! Guys we're outta here!} Joel appeared through the floor and pushed Tenchi outta the way. He sat down and started piloting the ship. "Hey, Ryoko, I need a co-pilot. Don't worry, it's the same controls as Ryo-Ohki basically."
Washu: He's not worried about having Tenchi pilot, but he's
concerned about Ryoko not being able to do it?
Talpa-chan: The fact that's he's got 'stupid' written all over
him is becoming a bit obvious, ne?
Ryoko sat down and helped him pilot. "So, where are we
headed to?" said Joel
"WE?!" said Ryoko.
"Yeah, why not?
Riikii: Yeah, why not? That's how Tenchi got his posse and how the majority of Tenchi self inserts are done...
"Well you just seemed so eager to kill Ayeka earlier."
"So were you.
Ki-chan: And you knew that? Damn, you're good.
You know Ryoko, you're alright."
Washu: *gags*
"I guess I should take that as a compliment."
Cale-chan: No, you should take it as a compliment.
The ship flew to earth.
Prettz-chan: Like they have anywhere else better to go?
It landed about a mile from Tenchi's house.
Ki-chan: What, he can't get it any closer?
They took the walk except for Joel, he flew.
Talpa-chan: Showoff.
Washu: Or lazy.
Riikii: Hey, he's your kid.
Washu/Talpa-chan: IS NOT!
When they got to the house, they saw Joel sitting in the air, with a toothpick out of his mouth.
Riikii: Ye gods, he's a Jurian hick.
"Well, I didn't think you would show so soon."
"I'm your huckleberry." Said Ryoko.
Ki-chan: The best thing to say in response to that is o_O
Both of them stood up and had cowboy hats on.
Prettz-chan: Plot hole number two!
They stared, and finally just drew out their fingers, and "BANG!" they yelled. Joel fell down. "You got me. Tell, the food, I'll never forget them." Then he laid down. He disappeared. They didn't see him for five minutes, until they went into the kitchen, where he had a chicken, and was eating it.
Nico: Isn't that what you usually do with chickens?
Riikii: Assuming they're dead and cooked.
Talpa-chan: He didn't say.
Nico/Ki-chan: EWWW!
"No manners." Said a disgusted Ayeka.
"Like, Yuck." Said Kiyone.
Ki-chan: Like, I'm not, like, a valley girl, like, so don't,
like, make me sound like one, like, yeah! Or, like, I might just,
like, strangle you, like, yeah! *forced sarcastic smile*
Riikii: Do I need to sedate you again?
Ki-chan: *sweetly* No, I'm fine.
"HUH?" said Joel, with barbecue sauce all over his face.
Riikii: Am I good or am I good. He's a hick, all right.
"Now a boy? What next Tenchi?" said Tenchi's father.
Everyone: o_O That did NOT sound right...
"Dad, this is Joel." Joel lifted up his hand.
"YO!" he said and got right back to eating. He finally
finished the chicken. Then he went in the living room, and laid
down on the couch. He just took himself about maybe a three hour
nap.
"Make yourself right at home Joel."
Washu: Like he hasn't done that already?
Said Yosho. Joel woke up.
"Huh?"
Yosho laughed. Mihoshi was ease-dropping on them.
Talpa-chan: Is that painful? *hopeful look*
Riikii: You have to admit Mihoshi does drop with ease.
Of course Joel got bored and went to see what everyone was up to. Washu had the most interesting hobby of all. She was working on her computer.
Ki-chan: Only computer nerds would consider that 'the most
interesting hobby'. Most people have real lives.
Riikii/Washu/Talpa-chan: HEY!
It was dark. Joel couldn't barley see.
Duo: More proof that it's a self insert. The character is a hick and so is the author that so wonderfully used MY name.
"Let there be light."
Talpa-chan: Ah, so now he's God.
A blinding light lighted the area. Washu smacked Joel.
Washu: YES!
The light went out. Joel, the wide-eyed guy with a red hand mark on his cheek went to see what the scientist was working on. "WOW. Those are some very easy equations. My mind is wracking, or maybe those equations are something even the princess of Jurai could do."
Washu: *falls over laughing* As if the princess could get past
the basic dimensional formulas!
Riikii: *dryly* Do you think the princess could do my calculus?
Prettz-chan: He's a hick that can do math? Isn't that a paradox?
"You know these equations?"
"Shit Washu, those things I can't even read." Washu
laughed.
Nico: Sike!
Prettz-chan: What, this guy actually has a shortcoming? Can self-inserts
do that? Are they allowed?
"For a second, I thought someone was actually smarter then me."
Washu: As if!
"A big shock, something you're not used to."
Washu: Damn straight!
Joel and Washu laughed together.
Washu: Why would I laugh with him? I don't waste my time on ignorant people.
"That's enough. I'm getting out of here."
Washu: Thank kami!
Joel left and went through the ceiling to the second floor. "Mihoshi, what in the hell are you doing with those binoculars?"
Talpa-chan: Watching Tenchi undress.
Washu: ....
Ki-chan: EWWW! Nasty mental image!
Riikii: Talpa-chan, have you had Spaghettios?
Talpa-chan: *shrug* It could be worse. She could be watching--
Ki-chan: I know what you're going to say. Don't say it if you
want to live.
"Uh... Um... I... Uh... was looking for Kiyone."
Talpa-chan: ^_^ *humming innocently*
Ki-chan: Oh shut up!
Riikii: I never knew Mihoshi swung that way...
Ki-chan: -__- This is not my day.
"I think that was her goin into the bathroom jes a
second ago."
"Thanks." Mihoshi said, and ran away.
Riikii: o_O
Talpa-chan: Bathroom. Kinky.
Ki-chan: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!! *jumps on Talpa-chan*
Riikii: More sedatives, please!
"HEY! I NEED SOMEONE TO GO WITH ME TO THE DEPARTMENT
STORE!" Tenchi yelled.
"I'll go." Said Joel.
Prettz-chan: And why? Because--
Everyone: He has nothing better to do!
So the two boys went to the city, and came to a tuxedo
store.
"Well, here we are."
"This doesn't look like the apartment store."
Riikii: And again, I say, hick!
"We were goin to the tuxedo store. And it's Department
store."
"Oh, sorry."
They went in and searched for nice clothes.
Nico: Guys shopping is just wrong.
They split the dress hunting for the women.
Nico: Guys shopping for women's dresses is REALLY wrong.
Tenchi got Mihoshi, Sasami, and Kiyone. Joel got Ryoko, Ayeka, and Washu. So, Joel, picked out some nice looking dresses. When they got back, Joel couldn't remember who's was who's!
Riikii: Yet more proof of hickiness!
Talpa-chan: That doesn't sound quite right.
Riikii: And you're one to talk?
this one... NO... oh well, we'll just go with random. I
guess the small one is Washu's. The deep red is Ryoko's, and the
purple must be Ayeka's."
All the girls went in to change, and finally came out. "Huba Huba" said Joel.
Riikii: I'm sure everyone's tired of me saying 'hick' now...
Washu laughed.
Washu: Can't I slap him again? That's the best part of the story!
"Shut up Joel." Said Ryoko.
"Fine, if you don't like organisms complimenting you, that's
fine."
"Organisms?" said Washu.
Washu: You IDIOT! You make me sound stupid!
"Yes, I'm not human. I'm not anything. I never will know what I am."
Cale-chan: So I guess that 'mom' theory got shot out the window.
They all went to the party,
Duo: This is the first we've heard about it!
but kept thinking about it. Joel sat down and had two drinks.
Nico: Alcoholic or non?
Riikii: Ten bucks says it's sake.
Finally, after getting bored,
Cale-chan: Something that doesn't take that long.
he went to explore.
Prettz-chan: Because he has--
Riikii: Okay, Prettz-chan, drop it.
Prettz-chan: ^_^
He saw the bathrooms, kitchen, bedrooms(hey, are they married?), and his favorite, the buffet. He sat down and ate, and ate. He finished about two thirds of the buffet. It took him about a half hour. When Ryoko finally found him, he was laying on the table, with a monster stomach ache. "Tenchi is gonna yell at you for ruining his party."
Washu: She'll yell at him first because she didn't get to do it.
"HIS party? I thought it was Mister...uh... what was his name?"
Riikii: Oh, that's nice.
"Don know, don care. I just came here to impress Tenchi."
Washu: Now that is not suprising in the least.
"Ahhh......... You really love him don't you?"
"I thought I did, but know, I'm not so sure."
"What of his traits captured you?"
"I somehow don't feel comfortable talking about guys with
guys. I feel like I'm talking to gays or something." Said
Ryoko.
Talpa-chan: Fits in with the Mihoshi thing.
Ki-chan: *sedated* Say...that...and...die...
Joel looked surprised. "OK." Ryoko and Joel went back to the party, and Joel saw a familiar face. "Ryoko, act natural." He grabbed her and danced. He kept moving towards the drinks to get a closer look. "Ryoko, Nagi, the bounty Hunter is here."
Duo: Oooooooh...the plot thickens!
"No way." Said the awestruck Ryoko.
Talpa-chan: The 'struck' part I can go with. It's the 'awe' part I'm having trouble believeing.
Nagi recognized Ryoko in and instant.
Cale-chan: Took her long enough.
But she couldn't remember who Joel was.
Nico: Obviously Nagi's not well versed in Juraian culinary legends.
She went up to them. "Sir, can I talk to this young lady?"
Washu: Damn it, Nagi, just kill her there! Don't beat around the bush!
"Only if I can come too."
"Very well."
Talpa-chan: Witnesses don't look good on your record, Nagi.
The three went outside. Nagi drew out her sword. Joel made his.
Cale-chan: May the shwartz be with you!
They fought. (slash! Clang!)
Nico: *starry eyed* That was so awe-inspiring...
Nagi's sword broke.
Riikii: Cheap shit!
"What the hell... We shall meet again sir!"
Washu: Forget him! Just kill her! Get in Ken-ohki and blast 'em!
"Let's go home Ryoko." They went back to the Masaki residence. Joel laid down on his bed, after a three pound bedtime snack.
Riikii: What, that stomachache didn't teach him anything?
Ryoko flew in through the ceiling. "Hey Joel."
"Hey Ryoko."
"Thanks for saving me."
Riikii: o_O
Washu: That should go on the list of 'Things they would never
say'.
Riikii: Ya think?
"No problem."
"I feel like I should repay you somehow."
Riikii: And the blatant OOC continues!
"That's really not necessary."
"Okay, but remember, you're the desert rose, you can do
anything."
Riikii: Available at Shoney's for $2.95 plus tax.
"But... I'm not."
"Okay, you're our desert rose, we all love you like a
brother, except for one of us, who loves you all around. I know
who, but I want you to find out yourself."
Washu: *gags* You didn't tell me this was a romance!
Riikii: *sigh* And they were doing so well with Ryoko in the
beginning...
"Okay........." Ryoko flew away. Joel floated
through the floor. He searched around, suspicious though. He
heard someone groaning. "Tenchi?" Tenchi was sitting
with a girl he snuck in. Tenchi looked up.
"Oh, shit." Tenchi looked up. "Joel, don't say a
word."
Riikii: What, Tenchi's not allowed to have a girl that is actually from Earth in his house? Is it against the rules? He's not committed, you know! That's tyranny! Let the boy choose for himself, dammit!
"EEEEEE!"
Duo: o_O He screams like a girl!
Tenchi hid the girl. "I didn't say a word, I said
EEEEE!"
Ryoko and the others came down. "What the hell......"
Ryoko said.
"Tenchi... I didn't think you were capable of such things."
Said Ayeka.
Riikii: News flash, Ayeka! He's not married to you! He can see who he likes!
Tenchi frowned. Joel grinned.
"Poor boy." He said. "You never will know the
power of love."
Washu: And you're one to talk?
Tenchi asked the girl to leave. She did. Joel didn't like the way she looked at him,
Ki-chan: And we give a damn if he doesn't like the way she
looked at him? Get a life, loser, and get over it!
Talpa-chan: There are just too many wrong ways to take that to
even list.
so you all know what he does when he doesn't like something the person does.
Nico: We do?
If you don't he usually kills them.
Nico: Oh that's pleasant. This guy needs some anger management.
But he didn't do it to this girl... I think... Ah...
Duo: That's really sad. The author is confusing himself.
anyway, The entire house was ashamed of the boy. No one talked to him that morning.
Riikii: Oh, grow up, people! This is worse than Tenchi in Tokyo.
The Jurai girls just talked about it all day.
Ki-chan: -__- We're not all from Jurai, you know. And I, for
one, have better things to do than talk about a boy I'm not
interested in as a romantic pair.
Washu: Hear hear!
Ryoko sat and looked at the window.
Nico: It was a very fascinating window.
Joel laid on the roof. Who then was joined by Ryoko. "So... thinking about the whole Tenchi, girl incident?"
Riikii: Only if he has no life.
Talpa-chan: That argument won't work. We've already established
that.
"Not particularly. I was thinking about when Washu failed her experiment, she created me. I've seen the blueprints. I'm an experiment."
Riikii: Very good.
Joel's eyes went to a deep blue. He stood up and looked at
the forest. He then flew away. Ryoko went looking for him. "What
are you doing here? If you stay, you'll be killed." Joel
said.
"I don't care. I'm not gonna leave your side." Said
Ryoko with a glow in her eyes.
"I... said... LEAVE!!!!!" said Joel. He threw Ryoko and
then screamed a scream of pain. His neck grew, his head turned to
a snake type head, his skin turned red, he grew long claws, and
his teeth turned from a white blunt, to a silverish very sharp.
He grew to 16 feet.
Riikii: First it's spontaneously glowing eyes, now it's
spontaneous transformation. What's next?
Washu: *hopefully* Spontaneous combustion?
He, now called Gogana,
Nico: Just for a change of pace.
jumped out of the earth's atmosphere.
Riikii: He's not flying? Damn, those are good legs.
He caught up with Nagi's ship.
Prettz-chan: Yet another person with no life!
And with about two smacks, it was destroyed.
Riikii: *wails* NOOOOOOO! NOT KEN-OHKI!!!!
He saw that his energy was running low
Cale-chan: Checked the handy little energy meter at the bottom of the screen.
so he headed toward earth.
Prettz-chan: I don't think I need to say it again.
His burning body on the reentering of the atmosphere made it hard to not panic. He fell to the ground.
Riikii: As opposed to falling to the sky?
Unconscious, Ryoko, trying to find him found him.
Ki-chan: Ryoko can find someone while she's unconscious? Is she having an out of body experience?
"We better get back to the house and put some clothes on him."
Washu: -__- She WOULD notice that.
Nico: She was probably enjoying it.
Ki-chan: After he turned into that G thing? She's probably
scarred for life.
So they went back.
Peasants: Yay.
Joel, who was laying in bed wasn't at all left alone. When someone else wasn't with him, Ryoko was. So, he must have been in a coma, because he didn't wake up for two weeks.
Riikii: *mock amazement* Wow, really?
The house was very dead without his wisecracks, and havoc.
Ki-chan: That house is NEVER dead.
So when they all sat down one day for lunch, Joel walked
downstairs. He looked drowsy but of course, he spoke. Everyone,
awestruck, stared at him.
"I'm hungry." They all cried the tears
Washu: That he was still alive.
of joy.
Washu: Damn.
He was hungry so he ate,
Riikii: No, really.
after getting attacked by six space women.
Ki-chan: *dryly* Don't you mean Jurai women?
They all hugged him. That night they had a dance.
Prettz-chan: You know what to say, people!
So, Joel danced with all six of the girls, one at a time of course. Sasami hogged him though. Well, this experience made Joel know that he's cared for.
Duo: By an extremely dysfounctional group.
He has a family.
Washu: Such as it is.
And a Bride soon to be.
Nico: Where did THAT come from??
Ki-chan: As long as it's not me, I'm happy.
That story will be told in my next fic of this story.
Duo: O_O There's MORE?! Please, say it ain't so...
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Riikii: And that had to do with the story...how?
Duo: Can we leave now? I think I'm going to be scarred for
life...
Nico: Yeah, and Ki-chan's going to be on drugs for several hours
yet.
Ki-chan: *glaring*
Talpa-chan: I don't see why you guys don't like this. I think
it's pretty damn funny.
Riikii: Wait until I find one with you in it, Talpa-chan.
Talpa-chan: O_O You wouldn't!
Washu: I wanna see me slap him again!